Trash Talking for the Difficult to Use Pen Contest

Signed-In Members Don't See This Ad
Signed-In Members Don't See This Ad
They'd have to borrow this guy's

BigHands.jpg
 
I'm guessing people desperate for fabulous prizes are coming out of the woodwork, hoping to score their one good comment so they can self-nominate in hopes of winning a prize.

Self-nomination is an abomination.
 
Well, it's coming to the end of voting for Difficult to Use Pen. Anybody on the fence (hopefully not astraddle barbed wire) should consider that there are two, possibly three, real candidates. If you handed each of these pens to somebody for them to sign something, most of the entries would evoke, a "Hey, cool, let me see that!"

There are only two, possibly three, where the receiver would recoil in horror and say, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. . . I ain't touchin' that. Get that away from me. . . FREAK!"

Vote for the freaks!

As for the trash talking, well, I'm not self-nominating. Unless Mike's hoarding nominations, it looks like Twist-Ed is going to win all three prizes!

Bystanders in this depravity should examine ALL of the fine examples of non-scatological trash and nominate the best or worst of the PEN bashing.
 
Brian G said:
Well, it's coming to the end of voting for Difficult to Use Pen. Anybody on the fence (hopefully not astraddle barbed wire) should consider that there are two, possibly three, real candidates. If you handed each of these pens to somebody for them to sign something, most of the entries would evoke, a "Hey, cool, let me see that!"

There are only two, possibly three, where the receiver would recoil in horror and say, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. . . I ain't touchin' that. Get that away from me. . . FREAK!"

Vote for the freaks!

As for the trash talking, well, I'm not self-nominating. Unless Mike's hoarding nominations, it looks like Twist-Ed is going to win all three prizes!

Bystanders in this depravity should examine ALL of the fine examples of non-scatological trash and nominate the best or worst of the PEN bashing.
Click to expand...

I'm not hording nominations. There just has not been any. Self nomination is fine (I"m not going to reveal who made nominations). And for those of you who are standing in the dark corners of the room just listening to this babbling banter, you do not haver to be a participant in the conversation to make a nomination. Just shoot me an email at iaptrashtalk@gmail.com citing the posted witty comment that you liked the best.
 
Hey, you sissy boys with those wimpy little pricky pens - if you think those little barbs make those pens difficult to write with, you've obviously never spent a summer working on a Texas ranch where our prickly pear cactus have thorns that make your pens look like highly polished acrylic blanks.

As for as the "spiney" thing & the fishhook thing, just pick them up with your wife's kitchen sponge if you're afraid of scratching yourself.

As for the one with that puny pin on the end - stick a wine cork on it!

And that one made from old bandsaw blades - hah! Anyone can plainly see those old blades are so dull, you couldn't scratch yourself with that thing if you tried.

Come on people - don't be fooled by these trash-talking hucksters, vote for a pen that you would really have difficulty writing with.
 
I was going to do some trash talking previously, but this is a family friendly forum and I'm a pastor, so I didn't for the sake of keeping things clean and family friendly. But, you can blame this one on Wayne. We were on the phone earlier and he told me to get my butt in here and do some trash talking!

I think I'm going to pick on my fellow Minnesotans for this one.

Brrrr - You do realize that it's winter in Minnesota? All I've gotta do is pack up my laptop, books, and paper and park it at the table outside and I can write all day without a problem or fear of it thawing. If you really wanted to make it difficult to write with you should've made it a fountain pen - the water based ink would've frozen, then making it difficult, even impossible to write with.

PokeYouPine Power Pen - Oh, how cute! Sewing pins are so easily bent away though! Or overcome with the same glove I'd be wearing while writing with Brrrr. And, Leinenkugel's at lunch? C'mon - this is Minnesota, not Wisconsin! Get yourself a real Minnesota brew! (But not Schell's - find something better.)

Band Saw Pen - You know why your bandsaw blade broke? It was probably dull and not up to the task of cutting even soft, spalted maple. Being that dull, its sharpness is akin to the knives in the cafeteria where I went to high school - the spoons were sharper.

Wayne - I didn't see anything from you! Being our resident stone carver, I expected you to find the biggest slab of granite you could find and then embed a pen in the middle of its face, then lay it face down on the ground. It would then require the entire local high school football team to pick it up and need a choreographer to direct them how to carry and move the slab to write.

Me - Compared to what I've seen here, man did I have several first place ideas in my head! However, despite living in the Midwest my entire life, you'd think I'd have learned by now to be careful on ice so as to avoid falling on the ice and injuring myself to the point where I can't use any of my tools in the shop. Oh, and should I not also know how to read a calendar and figure out when entries are due? I mean, I've studied five languages beyond English, so a simple sentence like "Entries will be accepted from Monday the 1st of February until Midnight Eastern time, on Saturday the 13th of February." should be easy for me to understand, right? I woke up Monday morning with my shoulder feeling good enough to create a First Place Masterpiece, only to find the polls already open...

Now, does anybody know where I can go to learn how to read a calendar?
 
Maybe you should make one pen and write it down.

I know a guy who made a nib stabbed into a bowling pin that might loan you one.
 
Last edited:
Writing it down doesn't help at all - if you've seen my desk, you'd know that it swallows any and all notes I write within 3 minutes and regurgitates them 3 weeks after the note is no longer relevant.
 
PokeYouPine Power Pen doubles as a note holder. Oh, and I'm from the better side of the River, where beer is bettter than the dishwater that's brewed on this side.
 
Brian G said:
PokeYouPine Power Pen doubles as a note holder. Oh, and I'm from the better side of the River, where beer is bettter than the dishwater that's brewed on this side.
Click to expand...

I will definitely agree that the beer from the other side of the river is better. But, Leinenkugel's? You gotta bootleg yourself some New Glarus or something like that! I mean, Leinenkugel's is owned by Miller Brewing these days! :eek:

I went to college in New Ulm. Schell's isn't even good enough to be used for dishwater!
 
Oops - I hit send before I commented on the other 3 "supposedly" painful to write with pens:

Knuckle Smasher - hey, one good whack on a table and those dinky little U-joint pins will pop right out - problem solved.

Thornation Thingy - another one with truly puny thorns. Wrap it in a sponge like the other two pitiful sticky pens if you're afraid of a little scratch.

Jailbreak - give me a break! You call that barbed wire? You should see the barbed wire we have here in Texas. That's why we all carry one of these things in our pickup trucks at all times. Snip snip - problem solved. A little barbed wire doesn't even slow us down.

:biggrin:
 

Attachments

  • Staple Puller.jpg
    Staple Puller.jpg
    23.1 KB · Views: 198
I never said Leinenkugel's was any good. I used the lutefisk to rinse away the awful flavor. This is a pen trash thread, not a beer trash thread, though.

Have you ever been to the great Polyclay Forest? The PokeYouPine tree has a few more secrets hidden in the depths of the heartwood. In the spring, you collect the sap and condense it to:

whupass.jpg
 
Last edited:
Brian G said:
PokeYouPine Power Pen doubles as a note holder. Oh, and I'm from the better side of the River, where beer is bettter than the dishwater that's brewed on this side.
Click to expand...

Sprung said:
Brian G said:
PokeYouPine Power Pen doubles as a note holder. Oh, and I'm from the better side of the River, where beer is bettter than the dishwater that's brewed on this side.
Click to expand...

I will definitely agree that the beer from the other side of the river is better. But, Leinenkugel's? You gotta bootleg yourself some New Glarus or something like that! I mean, Leinenkugel's is owned by Miller Brewing these days! :eek:

I went to college in New Ulm. Schell's isn't even good enough to be used for dishwater!
Click to expand...


You guys really think the beer from across the river is better than what you can find in Minnesota?
Granted I've had a couple of good beers from New Glarus but what about Surly, Dangerous Man, Indeed, Insight, Bent Paddle, Big Wood, Hammerheart, 612 Brew, Lift Bridge, Mankato Brewing, etc. :beer: Shall I go on?:biggrin:

How can anyone here trust your views on these pens if you guys think Miller Lite is quality beer?:confused:
 
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You're all a bunch of losers
Glad I'm not one of you

Thank you.

Sorry. Sometimes the Canadian in me comes out.
 
PUHHHHHLEEEEEEZ boys,

your beer is as puny as your little pricky pens.

Here's what REAL men drink!
 

Attachments

  • Prickly Pear Beer.jpg
    Prickly Pear Beer.jpg
    201 KB · Views: 162
Signed-In Members Don't See This Ad
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom