Holy cow, took a break from the thread for a few days, come back and we're talking about corporal punishment? What the harry, Larry?! [:0]
You know what?
I've mentioned this before, and I will again. Like many in my generation, I was raised by a great father, and yes, he spanked when we needed (as young boys often do) to learn our boundaries, black and white, no grey area, no time out, no taking away the X-Box for a month. It wasn't about anger, it wasn't about abuse, it was about me learning, RIGHT NOW, what's acceptable and what's not so we could move on and get back to fishing or riding motorcycles or getting wood or playing ball.
My dad balanced that discipline by spending TONS of time with us, talking and teaching how the decisions we make form us as young men and adults later on in life. It wasn't about hitting the younger, smaller neighbor kid with sticks (which I got spanked for), it wasn't about disrespecting and back-talking my mom or other elders (spanked), it wasn't about stealing a pack of life-savers from the local store where they knew me and my family name (ouch!), and it wasn't about throwing a rock through one of the neighbor's windows just to see if I could do it (again, with the spanking). It was about teaching me that it only takes one small, stupid decision that will follow us and scar us for the rest of our lives if we choose wrong, which is the reality that all of us face every day. It was about reinforcing the ideals that he'd spent so much time teaching us through the years, and proving to us that there are clear and present consequences for every stupid or negligent decision that we make all through life.
To this day, no matter how many times I lose my temper or rational judgment in a given situation, when I feel like my only option is to do something that's just not allowed by society, or, more importantly, my dad, I step back and look at what the outcome would be and
usually make the best decision that won't get my backside tanned, literally or figuratively.
I'm so sick of hearing about how spanking is abuse or whatever. You know, any REAL parent hates spanking their kids. That's part of the job, no one wants to do it, we all hate it, but there are times when it's needed, I'll take that belief to my grave. I'm proud that I raised my kids the way my dad raised me. Clearly defining the rules and regulations of being a proper human being is extremely important during the formative years, and I don't care what anyone says, unless your kid is a social and intellectual genius, they aren't going to have the ability to sit down, shut up and learn through namby-pamby half hour lectures that define the finer points of acceptable behavior. Later on in life, unless they're taught how serious a lot of consequences can be, they're going to be looking for that soft love, and lemme tell you if you haven't figured it out yet, there ain't no soft love in life.
When someone pisses you off, just walk away, because that's harder than raising a fist and 'settling' it right then. When you really want something but don't have the money, walk away. Earn it, earn everything. Work hard, play hard, love your friends, excuse your enemies when possible, crush them when not. When I have a choice in business to do something shady (which is always the easy choice) or do something with integrity, I choose integrity (which is always the harder choice). When life has worn me thin, the easy, sneaky, stupid, dishonest, lazy choice always looks tempting, but my dad would whup my ass. To this day, when I walk outside the lines, he whups me. No, I don't go cut a switch and he doesn't yank his belt out, but he doesn't baby me, either, and I'll always respect him, admire him, try to be like him, and I value his input in my life.
Had I not had that firm foundation of right and wrong instilled in me when I was throwing sticks or stealing Life Savers, I'd be making the easy choice. Instead, I think about what my Dad taught me, suck it up, man up, cowboy up, stiffen my neck or upper lip, keep my nose to the grindstone, put my shoulder to the wheel (whatever metaphor you use), and I forge ahead into the path less traveled, and it makes me a stronger, better, more tempered and refined man. I'm proud of that.
Are my beliefs rare? They're getting that way, I'd suspect. It's much easier as a parent to listen to someone tell you that there's an 'easier, more loving' way to discipline than spanking, but many times that easier way is also the way that doesn't get the job done right. I've coached enough "time-out Timmy's" over the years to tell you, it may be easier for you, but every other adult in their lives have to take up the slack by expending unnecessary levels of patience and time that should be reserved for kids who really need it, and many of the truly needy ones end up slipping through the cracks, ending up monsters that live and give lifetimes of pain and suffering.
Parenting is frigging hard, and I don't mean hard like mowing the lawn or paying the mortgage, it's not a do-it-right-once thing. It's about a lifetime of always making the tough decisions that sometimes rip your heart out, and it's about spending enough real time with your kids to show them that what you have to say is to be respected, not feared or ignored.
A parent should never be angry when they spank, their hearts should be aching. Constantly avoiding heartache at the expense of a child not learning early boundaries will most of the time lead to heartbreak later on.
Whew. Okay, let the flogging begin.
I would like to go on record as saying that I was never spanked for misspelling any words.
