What would you do? Moral dilemma

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Without knowing <u>all</u> of the details of the situation, I won't comment on the correctness of the board's decision about the girl. I just know that <b>I</b> would not want to work for a board that instructed me to do something I was against - and be instructed that I must say that <b>it was MY idea</b>! <u>That is pure cowardice</u> on the board's part.

This is not necessarily a religion problem - it is a Board of Directors problem. Working with boards can be very trying at times.


Best wishes to your wife. I hope she can find peace in her decision.


Chris
 
Thanks everyone.
Gotta a little update...
Knowing that the child would be dissmissed without any regard, no kindness or caring, my wife decided to defy the board. I know, in a bussiness environment this is not the right thing to do, but it was what she felt <b>the right thing to do</b>.
The board wanted her to just call the grandmother today (child wouldn't be there for the next couple days) and dissmiss her that way. Well, she decided to call the Grandmother and set up a confrence with her to inform her of what was going on. She came up and let her know what the <b>Board</b> had decided. She didn't go into the personal things about why the child was actually getting dismissed, but suprisingly the grandmother already had a pretty good idea.
She asked her questions like "Has she really done things that deserves something like this? Is this something that is so uncommon with kids of this age?" Ohhh...And "Does this other childs family happen to go to this church and have money????" Of course she couldn't come out and answer the last two questions, so she just said that she couldn't answer that. But I think her head was shaking the other way.[:I]
I don't know how the conversation ended, but when I went into my wifes office this afternoon she was on the phone with the head of the board giving the ladies information, name, phone, ext. Apparently he is having to call her tonight. I figure my wife probably told him something like the Grandmother was extremly upset and demanded to speak to him.
So, she could still be let go tomorrow, we'll see. I figure they will wait until then so that she conduct the Preschool Staff meeting and payroll. I'll find out more, about 10 tonight.
One other thing...
The treasurer of the church, who is also a Preschool board member came into my wifes office this morning because he said my wife looked a little upset when she left last night. She said that she was, and told him again what she was having the whole problem with. He said that he agreed with her 100%. But he said this the what the church wants and he said between him and her if she didn't do it the board would fire her. Period.
He also asked her if she knew what the real reason was that she had todi it. She told him how she truley felt, about it being a church member and them having money. He said, no, he said that "they actually had 11 members of that family at that church, they are part of the founding members, and they have a LOT of money. That's why." He also said that "if she told anyone he said that, he would deny it."
Anyway, this is probably far from over, so I'll update you guys again later.
I did want to say one other thing though. I have noticed a some posts that say that this is why they don't take part in religion, don't do organized religion and so forth. I do respect what you have said and the way that you choose to, or not to worship, but I just want to exspress to everyone that this kind of thing is not found everywhere. Although I may have my own personal opinions of their denomination, beliefs, and way that they run their business. I am in no way bashing religion, or ways of worshiping. There are <b>true</b> believers out there that do only have one objective. Sorry, I got off track!
 
I haven't read all the posts, but here's my 2-cents worth...

If I were in your wife's place, I'd tell the board - "NO WAY!" and I would not resign.

Your wife has the moral high-ground. That may not put food on the table but she can look into the mirror each morning and know she did what was right and what was the "Christian thing to do"! Besides, being the grump that I am, I'd take pleasure in jerking the chain of these petty, narrow-minded board members by making them find a legitimate reason to fire me - and that's not necessarily as easy as it sounds!

Yes, your wife should plan on finding another job -- eventually -- because they will make her life miserable. In the meantime, for everyday the she shows up for work and refuses to dismiss a 4-year old, she is showing the board members what it means to be a Christian by standing up for her principles (but I'm not sure that will sink into the "money-changers"). Besides, if she's working 55 hours a week now, what are they gonna do? Make her work overtime?!?!?

It seems to me that it was the board members that really put themselves between a rock and a hard place when the demanded that she lie.

... again, just my 2-cents worth - but I've always had a problem with unreasonable, unrestricted and uncontrolled authority!

Jim
 
Micah,
I feel real bad for you, your wife, the little girl and her grandmother. My first reaction was that your wife will have to do what she thinks is right or she will not be able to live with herself. Somehow, I get the feeling that everything is going to work out fine in the long run or maybe the short run. My dad always said, God closes a door with one hand and opens another with his other hand. I always say, what ever goes around, comes around. Your wife will do what she thinks is best and it will work its self out. I am still shaking my head at the stiuation.
Good luck
 
You really don't want to know what I would do [:(!] I feel for your wife's decission.
Seeing this thread sickens my stomach, and I do not mean your situation, but that the vocal minority, the squeeky wheel always has to have their way now. Not to mention the pius almighty lady that can't forgive. No one knows how to apologize and no one knows how to accept an apology today and go on with life. The minority groups in this country keep pushing the majority around and we sit back and take their crap. Between being politically correct and all the rules, regs & new taxes that come down the road, I say it is about time for another revolution. Where does the line start [:)]
 
I think it really needs to hit the news somehow. A CHURCH doing that is uncalled for. I hope they all realize what they are doing in the "house of God" as well as the eyes of god. Sins can be forgiven but I would like to tell each board member that they need to pray for forgiveness for the act they are committing.

I truly feel for you and your wife Micah, as well as for the Grandmother and the little girl. Actually both girls for the other child will be raised like her mother and we can all see how good that is.
 
I was an elder in my former church for nearly 3 years. I finally resigned in disgust over the attitude that certain people should be informed that they really weren't welcome and that we needed to cater to certain older well-heeled members. We now belong to a church where the minister says openly that anyone is welcome and if someone has a problem with that then they might want to find another church.

This is, without a doubt, the most disgusting topic I've read here. The psychological damage that is being done to this little girl is sickening. She will expect rejection from everyone. My wife is a psychiatrist and she was horrified when she read this.
 
OMG! This is worse than that 6 year old boy being expelled for "sexual harassment" because he kissed a 6 year old girl on the cheek (national news a few years ago)! I agree with Chris. Not a "church" I would wish to be affiliated with. And exactly what Christian principles are being exhibited here? While it may be of little consolation, this mother will get her rewards (those who seek the rewards of man will get it; those who humbly seek the rewards from above will be rewarded immeasurably).

And more importantly, (and this is paraphrased) "Who so ever offends a little one, offends me." You know the speaker and I have much more trust in Him.
 
I thought I was a normal child..........I put rocks in pants (mine and others), ate mud, threw rocks, stole (once), hit my friends, lied, stomped on ants[:0] I thought I was OK[:p]

While babysitting my 2 yr. old brother (I was 13), I was pretending to be a gogo dancer and jumping from one marble coffee table to the other in our house, playing my Dad's stereo which was NOT done. The round marble table shattered into pieces[:0][:(]. I blamed it on my little brother knowing he couldn't defend himself or get in trouble[}:)]. Finally told my parents what really happened several years ago, it only took me 35 years..... I knew it would finally be something we could all laugh at and did[:D].

Now I have no idea where this was going and not trying to make light of your wife's situation, Micah. Just trying to understand why some parents react certain ways to situations. I'm sure it will all work out, good luck!
 
Micah, man on man what a situation. It just proves that this so called church can't afford to lose the financial support of this rich woman and her family of money bags. If this were happening to my wife, I do believe that EVERYONE in the town would know about it and all the details. This rich family or do-gooders can't possibly "own" your town, so call attention to them ... name them in every paper you can get interested in this mess. Maybe you shouldn't do anything BUT leave this so-called church and then if anyone asks, tell them the hippocrates wanted your wife to lie to cover their butts. Talk to other parents with children in the church and warn them of the way their child will be handled unless they have money and can buy themselves out of a pinch.

Maybe the best thing to really do is resign and then and only then if someone asks tell them about the reasons to leave and do not hold back anything ... just be sure to speak the truth and be prepared to back it up with names, dates, etc. Right now you need to write things down and DO NOT rely on your memory to keep up with all the important details.

This is a perfect example of how money in a small town can buy frinds and influence decisions - right or wrong. It also sounds to me like this rich _itch is planning on running for public office. If she ever does that - or any other member of the "money clan" seeks public office, danged if I wouldn't remind the gossip pages of all the local newspapers, etc., and other church groups of the undignified methods employed, er, bought, by the rich _itch and question their abilities to be an elected official. Now if they are already in the town's politics then be sure to talk this up to their opponents.

I thought there was separation between church and politics ... [:(!]

Kinda gets under my skin if you can't tell! Now, just where did I put my blood pressure medicine? [:(!] [:(!]
 
We'll looks like this will be gong on for a little while longer. The Grandmother came back to the school friday and wanted my wife get her any and all incident reports that was written on her granddaughter. There were actually only two, and those were things that were even less than the rocks. I think one was that she had been seen kissing one of the boys...[:I]
Apparently the Grandmother is planning on taking this to the DHS office (Dept. of Human Services). I figure that here is like everywhere else where the preschools are watched and regulated by DHS with a pair of gloves and a microscope. Looks like the Grandmother is going to get this in the public eye as much as she can. More power to her![:)] Luckily she is not upset with my wife, in fact, she even told her that if she ever needed a personal refrence to put her down. She would give her the best!
One good thing did happen yesterday afternoon! I got home from work and there was a message on the machine where my wife had applied for. They wanted her to come in for an interview, so I called and let her know. She came in a couple hours later with a new job! It isn't making near what she was, in fact, it's going to be really tight. But, there should be a whole lot less stress and she should be able to do this when she starts school as well. She'll be giving her work notice Monday morning.
I'll let you guys know more if anything else happens!
Again, thanks for all your guys/gals thoughts and prayers on this!
Micah
 
I've read everything, but have posted. But, after your last posting it sounds like the Lord Jesus Christ is working his plan in your life. I would be willing to figure that it won't be as tight as you think, the Lord will take care of that. Anyways, happy people don't spend as much. Oh, unless your a penturner.[;)]
 
Micah,

I agree with Les...for some reason, HE finds a way to make things work as long as you let HIM "drive".

Hope the board learn their lesson through this incident since in my mind, they are the ones who needed some "spanking".
 
Everything has a reason. Several years ago I was told point blank "you can be a family guy or you can be a company guy." Made that decision pretty easy. Found a new job making half as much that made me twice as happy. When I interviewed, I made it very clear to the owners that my family was more important to me than a paycheck ever would be. They later told me that's why they chose me over other aplicants.

I am very happy for you that things seem to be working out for the best and your wife's reputation has now had a major boost with the people you choose to tell. Let her know that there are lots of folks rooting for her in her new position and at school!
 
Luke 18:15-17

[15] People were also bringing babies to Jesus to have him touch them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. [16] But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. [17] I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

They (the board and this church) should be reminded this part of the Holly Bible.

Beleive me, they don't deserve someone like your wife and she don't need them in her life. And HE made the move to take her out of there.

Alfred
 
I see the other door opened. [:D] The older I get, the more I realised dad was always right. You'll see, things will work financially for you also. I am sure of it. I am real happy for your family.
 
I come from a small town farm community in North Dakota. Growing up I always bit my tongue before letting someone know how I really felt. As I get older I have become more and more vocal about my feelings. I watched my 90 year old grandfather not take crap from anyone because he said he did not care what people felt about him. He said he did not want to jeopardize his integrity. I've learned that being in the silent majority group gets you walked on by the vocal minority group. Sure, I get pinched in the arm by my wife sometimes with a comment like "please Tim don't start something". Over the years she has gotten tougher and does not take the crap she use to take, especially from me.[:(] That's OK, I like her to be tough.[:D]

You wife should write a letter to all letting them know how she feels. This is a church right? Whatever happened to forgiveness and sitting down with the little girl and discussing what she did and how it was wrong to do something like that and was disappointing to her to act this way. I think the little girl is looking for attention, someone should give it to her.
 
Congrats to your wife for searching and finding a way out of the dark forest - good things happen to good people, and there is always something good that comes from something bad - as long as you let it happen.

I agree with Dario - perhaps even at a higher level now. Because she has a new job, this church needs to be exposed. Perhaps the grandmother will do it all - but maybe there is something your wife can do to help - if only peripherally.

Just my $ .02

Best,
Roger Garrett
 
There is a Jewish code of Law (Shulchan Auruch), which spells out all the laws and one of them is that when we say Shema (evening and morning), it specifically states in the first 2 paragraphs that you should sharpen (teach) your sons (that does include daughters) in the first paragraph (which talks about the individual). In the second paragraph, it say that you should teach the sons (this is the community). All the Jewish Day schools (including the preschools) take this to heart and unless the child is grossly destructive, they are not expelled.

Also, my LOML has worked in child care for the last ten years and most of them would rather have the teacher/director fired (this is in both secular and religious) than abandon the child.

Mazel Tov on your wife getting a new job so quickly.

Kol Tov,
 
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