JOKE

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Thanks Doc its a very sick joke.
it should of said What do you call a tree with no Bark! A dead dog tree!
Still sick.
l will agree with James also, but Doc l don't mind being a member in your bad joke club just kick me in the bun when l am bad.

[:D]
 
Thanks for your support Becca! has my president (shut the gate)
A statement made when it appears that the winner is obvious,
'He's so far in front it's shut the gate'
Doc do l get the boot.[}:)][;)][:D]
 
OK, OK ....... I think I got another one.

Speaking of dogs .... when I was a kid, I named my dog "Stay". Whenever I would call him, I would say ..... "Come, Stay. Come!". Then whenever I wanted him to Stay, I'd say "Stay, Stay!". It got worse whenever I tried to teach him how to sit ..... "Stay, Sit! No! Sit, Stay!"

OK .... there's more. When he got older .... I kept trying to teach him how to "Mooo". My mother asked me what I was doing. I told her I was teaching him a second language.

Later on I gave him to my grandfather to be a Seeing Eye Dog. But, my grandfather got mad and gave him back to me. My dog started doing impressions of screeching cars.

My mom and dad began talking about taking my dog "to the farm". Man, did I ever cry and kick up a fuss. So, instead ... they took me.

I'm done. That's as funny as I get. [;)]
 
One day me and my best friend, Dave, were driving through a neighborhood and when we stopped at a stop sign, Dave noticed a German Sheppard licking....on second thought, I probably shouldn't tell that one here.
I think that if I could invent a dog food that tasted like dog butt, I'd be a millionaire.
Okay, now I'm done.
 
Originally posted by DocStram
<br />OK, OK ....... I think I got another one.

Speaking of dogs .... when I was a kid, I named my dog "Stay". Whenever I would call him, I would say ..... "Come, Stay. Come!". Then whenever I wanted him to Stay, I'd say "Stay, Stay!". It got worse whenever I tried to teach him how to sit ..... "Stay, Sit! No! Sit, Stay!"

OK .... there's more. When he got older .... I kept trying to teach him how to "Mooo". My mother asked me what I was doing. I told her I was teaching him a second language.

Later on I gave him to my grandfather to be a Seeing Eye Dog. But, my grandfather got mad and gave him back to me. My dog started doing impressions of screeching cars.

My mom and dad began talking about taking my dog "to the farm". Man, did I ever cry and kick up a fuss. So, instead ... they took me.

I'm done. That's as funny as I get. [;)]
Click to expand...

Sorry Al, but me thinks you have truly lost it this time[:0][:0][:0]

Ozzy, good one, I know that joke[}:)]
 
The Purina Diet:

I was in KMart buying a large bag of Purina for my dogs and was in line
to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........Duh!!

I was feeling a bit crabby, so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting
The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended
up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I
awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my
orifices and IV's in both arms.

Her eyes about bugged out of her head. I went on and on with the bogus
diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an
easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your
pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every
time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally
complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and
was that why I ended up in the hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car
hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.
 
Here's my try at the joke thread.
A rather homely hippie chick walks into a bar, raises her arm (insert heavy body hair image here) and asks for someone to buy her a drink. Everone turns away except for an intoxicated gentlemen at the far end of the bar. He shouts out, "I'll buy that beautiful ballerina a drink." Time passes and the scene is repeated with the gentlemen at the end of the bar saying this time, "I'll buy that beautiful ballerina a drink and bring another for me." The bartender brings the drink to the gentlemen and asks,"Buddy, I just don't understand this beautiful ballerina thing as you buy her the drinks". He replies, "Well any young lady that raises her leg that high must be a ballernia."
 
These dog stories remind me of something really horrible that happened about 20 years ago when I lived in Pennsylvania.

I stopped to get gas at a gas station in a real run down looking neighborhood. It wasn't the best place in the world to stop but I needed gas real bad.

Well, to make a long story short .... there were about 6 or 7 real tough looking young guys hanging out by the side of the gas station. I guess they were teenagers. I'm just pumping gas trying to mind my own business, when I see a stray dog walking by. Out of the corner of my eye I see one of the teenagers take an old gas can and tie it to the poor dog's tail. Then they struck a match.

That poor dog started running around in circles with that lit gas can tied to his tail. It was terrible. He just kept making circles and yelping. I didn't know what to do. He just kept running in circles. Next thing I know, the dog finally stopped.
 
Here's a joke for the woemn:
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you".
Here's one for the men:
I married a Miss Right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.
 
How about...What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall?

Not-a-joke...the other day my 10 year old son asked "Dad...why don't they make mouse flavored cat food?" I told him 'cause then someone would make cat flavored dog food and all the cat people would get upset.
 
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What do you call a woman with no arms and one leg?
Peg.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying under a car?
Screwed. Actually, it's Jack.
 
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