What Women REALLY mean!

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1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.


2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.


3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.


4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!


5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)


6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.


7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.


8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!


9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "what's wrong", for the woman's response, refer to # 3.
 
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LOL...so what is in store for this guy in this scenario? [}:)]

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Man: Sorry honey, I can't do this, the football game will start soon.

Woman: That's okay (#6), Dont't worry about it, I got it (#9) and will finish it in five minutes (#2) with a loud sigh (#5). Thanks (#7). This is nothing (#3). Fine. Go ahead (#4) and go with your buddies and do whatever (#8).
 
Originally posted by Dario
<br />LOL...so what is in store for this guy in this scenario? [}:)]

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Man: Sorry honey, I can't do this, the football game will start soon.

Woman: That's okay (#6), Dont't worry about it, I got it (#9) and will finish it in five minutes (#2) with a loud sigh (#5). Thanks (#7). This is nothing (#3). Fine. Go ahead (#4) and go with your buddies and do whatever (#8).

He should expect to find all his neat stuff proudly displayed on the front lawn.[:0]
 
Dario, You have such a way with words. When the wife and I get to talking sometimes we'll say: "yeah, that's code for......" We get a laugh out it..........sometimes.[:D][B)]
 
Originally posted by Ron in Drums PA
<br />
Originally posted by Dario
<br />LOL...so what is in store for this guy in this scenario? [}:)]

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Man: Sorry honey, I can't do this, the football game will start soon.

Woman: That's okay (#6), Dont't worry about it, I got it (#9) and will finish it in five minutes (#2) with a loud sigh (#5). Thanks (#7). This is nothing (#3). Fine. Go ahead (#4) and go with your buddies and do whatever (#8).

He should expect to find all his neat stuff proudly displayed on the front lawn.[:0]

Along with various parts of his body!!
 
Many of us already know that marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.[:p]

I learned a long time ago just to smile and say "Yes, my precious... whatever you say, my precious [:p]
 
Originally posted by mewell
<br />Many of us already know that marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.[:p]

I learned a long time ago just to smile and say "Yes, my precious... whatever you say, my precious [:p]

Smart man!!![:D][:D][:D][:D] (Now is this really Mark or did Ms. Mark log in and post this under his name?)
 
You guys need training.

The way to deal with this is...

<b>DO WHAT YOUR WIFE DOESN'T LIKE!</b>

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If she doesn't like doing laudry, do it.
If she doesn't like to cook, do it.
If she doesn't like to vacuum, do it.
If...[:p][}:)][:eek:)]

Kidding aside try this instead.
<b>If she orders you around...yell back louder.</b>


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For example, if she says "Cook dinner!"...

Yell back in a louder voice ...
"After ironing, I am not done yet!" [B)][:D]
 
Peter - I have a vague recollection of the word "wife". I gave it up for Lent a number of years back. Do I NEED one of those to make nicer pens? [8D]
 
Originally posted by DCBluesman
<br />Peter - I have a vague recollection of the word "wife". I gave it up for Lent a number of years back. Do I NEED one of those to make nicer pens? [8D]

I can't answer this question (thruthfully) without endangering my pen turning life[;)]

-Peter-
 
Ok, I really need help. What does my wife mean when she says to me...

"Ron you need to build a bigger shop in the back so you will have enough room for that new lathe you want"


Am I in trouble???
What should I do????

I'm really stressing over this!
 
Originally posted by Ron in Drums PA
<br />Ok, I really need help. What does my wife mean when she says to me...

"Ron you need to build a bigger shop in the back so you will have enough room for that new lathe you want"


Am I in trouble???
What should I do????

I'm really stressing over this!


That's an easy one Ron.......


Since men are basically lazy creatures she knows that it will take years to complete the project. She didn't say no, so therefore she is not the "bad guy".

I'm sure that Angela will agree......It's kind of like child psychology [:eek:)]
 
Ron, if mine said that, I'd know that she "really" wanted her garage space back, and I'd start making phone calls. [;)] And we're almost there. The only thing that holds her back is the hope of transferring back to Texas. I don't see getting transferred prior to my retirement, but she keeps insisting that it will be this Summer. But she said the same thing for the past two.[:0]

And BTW, even after nearly 30 years of marriage I experienced #4 and wasn't even asking for anything. Several months before I lamented over selling my last motorcycle and mentioned that Harleys were everywhere up here and less expensive than I'd ever seen them. One day outta the blue she says, "Okay, you can buy a Harley." Two weeks later I made an offer on one and was finalizing the loan paperwork only to hear, "I didn't mean right away!" You'd think after 30 years that she'd have the understanding that I don't do subtle, or speak womfusion (the name of said language in the original post).

And for those uneducated in such matters, they use this language to keep us confused and off balance. For example, they say, "Okay, you can buy a Harley.", and we hear, "Greenlight, go ahead with the purchase." However, this is obviously not what they meant. Apparently what they really meant was, "I've checked the budget and we can afford it, but I'm still thinking about it."[:0][:(!][?] So aside from learning womfusion, we also have to become mind readers. "But why?", you ask. Because the language of womfusion is ever changing. What means one thing one day, means something completely different the next. So it becomes our job to "TRY" and interpret the actual phrases used. In short, men, you'll never accomplish this. It is an impossible task. Just be prepared to surprise them with flowers, jewelry and other gifts to try and appease them when you screw up this interpretation.[}:)][:I]

Now ducking and runnign for cover.[:0][B)][8]
 
Originally posted by Ron in Drums PA
<br />Ok, I really need help. What does my wife mean when she says to me...

"Ron you need to build a bigger shop in the back so you will have enough room for that new lathe you want"


Am I in trouble???
What should I do????

I'm really stressing over this!

What this REALLY means is, yes you can have a bigger shop and the new lathe, BUT only because LOYL has even BIGGER plans that you will no longer be able to argue against.[:D][}:)]Trust me!!
 
Originally posted by skiprat
<br />
Originally posted by Ron in Drums PA
<br />Ok, I really need help. What does my wife mean when she says to me...

"Ron you need to build a bigger shop in the back so you will have enough room for that new lathe you want"


Am I in trouble???
What should I do????

I'm really stressing over this!

What this REALLY means is, yes you can have a bigger shop and the new lathe, BUT only because LOYL has even BIGGER plans that you will no longer be able to argue against.[:D][}:)]Trust me!!

Now I'm scared!
 
What this REALLY means is, yes you can have a bigger shop and the new lathe, BUT only because LOYL has even BIGGER plans that you will no longer be able to argue against.[:D][}:)]Trust me!!

This is absolutely true, I explain it to the young guys at work all the time. If your wife is letting you get something big (or a bunch of little things) without any sort of an argument, she is getting ready for something big for herself. If you tell her to go get something nice for herself the first thing she will do is ask, "Why? What do you want?" They are so much smarter than us and once guys accept that life gets much easier.
No, my wife didn't tell me to write this and she is not standing here with me; I'm just speaking from experience.

I had two practice wives when I was much younger and dumber.
 
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