Time for a grin or two ...

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Fred

Member
Joined
Feb 18, 2007
Messages
3,557
Location
N.E. Atlanta, Georgia U.S.A.
Yes, the new one is out!
Brand new edition of... 'You know you're a redneck when.......

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4.. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. You think 'The Nutcracker' is a vise on the work bench
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7.. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has 'ammo' on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-room's so clean ?
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say 'Cool Whip' on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

Not meaning to offend anyone with these listings, but I guess if any one of them fits well then I hope it is the right size.
 
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#1 is being efficient, #6 just means that you got your moneys worth out of your furniture, and #28...well that's just nasty!!

Being completely honest, when I was growing up we had more Cool Whip and butter containers than the supermarket. A lot of times you had to open several before you actually found the Cool Whip or butter!

I almost forgot!! Peanut butter jars for glasses. Well, actually those were for the grown ups, us kids got jelly jars and we couldn't wait to get big enough to drink out of Peanut butter jars.
 
Fred, I'm a country boy and anyone that has seen me in person for more than 5 minutes knows I'm about as redneck as they get. If people cannot laugh at something this funny they more problems than being offended. I have tears in my eyes and my side hurts. and yes far to many of them are close to being true. But I will remember the $100,000 in improvements the rest of my life.
 
Here's one to add to your list that a lot of us could relate to:

You might be a redneck if....your tools are worth more than your car! Oh yeah I'm there. ;)
 
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