Texas Brides Do Not Read

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Jgrden

Jgrden

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Joined
Mar 27, 2009
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Location
hOUSTON, Texas


Three friends married women from different parts of the country .


The first man married a woman from NEW YORK. He ordered her to do all the cooking and cleaning.
It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.


The second man married a woman from CALIFORNIA. He ordered her to do all the cooking and cleaning. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.


The third man married a girl from TEXAS. He ordered her to do all the cooking and cleaning. He said the first day he didn't see anything, The second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

He still has some difficulty when he pees.
 
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"It" lives up the street from me, her name is Brunhilda and "It" is in excess of well over 475 pounds on any day. She doesn't have to get her grass mowed either as the Fescue is so afraid of her that it doesn't dare grow. As for the rest of her life and habits I don't want to know any more about her! Ron, if you want me to I can put your address and telephone number in her kettle, er, mailbox!

Neighborhood rumor has it that her husband woke up and chewed off his own right arm to avoid waking her up the morning after their wedding as she is so ugly! Talk about coyote ugly ...
 
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A Texas rancher married a beautiful lady and as they were riding home on two very proud and graceful palominos, the rancher's horse stumbled, fell and threw the rancher. He got up, dusted himself off, brushed the dust from the horse and saddle, said "that's one" and got back in the saddle.
A little further down the road, the horse stumbled again, fell and threw the rancher. He got up, dusted himself off and brushed the dust from the horse, and said "that's two". He got back in the saddle and they proceeded down the road.
About another mile and the horse stumbled again, fell and threw the rancher again. He got up dusted himself off and said "that's three"... he pull his .45 and shot the horse.
The new bride was horrified and immediately started berating the rancher for his cruelty. The rancher listened politely and quietly until she finished, then said "that's one".
She's been the model wife...
 
TellicoTurning said:
A Texas rancher married a beautiful lady and as they were riding home on two very proud and graceful palominos, the rancher's horse stumbled, fell and threw the rancher. He got up, dusted himself off, brushed the dust from the horse and saddle, said "that's one" and got back in the saddle.
A little further down the road, the horse stumbled again, fell and threw the rancher. He got up, dusted himself off and brushed the dust from the horse, and said "that's two". He got back in the saddle and they proceeded down the road.
About another mile and the horse stumbled again, fell and threw the rancher again. He got up dusted himself off and said "that's three"... he pull his .45 and shot the horse.
The new bride was horrified and immediately started berating the rancher for his cruelty. The rancher listened politely and quietly until she finished, then said "that's one".
She's been the model wife...
Click to expand...
:biggrin::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:
 
AMEN

My wife is from Texas, and despite the warning I let her read it, and she fessed up that the joke fit her to a tee and I tend to agree...

dude
 
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