Before I get to your main question a little trick for you.
After you upload a picture you can view it and right-click and "save image location". Then in any other threads you can just click on the "insert image" button and past in the url. You have only uploaded it once but you are using it multiple places just fine.
Your lighting looks pretty good.
In general you want the background to be a mid-density background, not black, not white. Something in between.
What aperture were you using on this shot? You need to be higher f-stop, smaller aperture. f-8, f-11, f-16 would all probably work. Although f-8 may not since the pen is at such a sharp angle compared to the back of the camera. You also want to focus approximately 1/3 back from the nearest point (around the band at the top of the nib). You have it more like 3/4 (the middle of the clip to the top of the clip is sharpest).
That "crack" is probably a piece of dust. Macro mode shows all sorts of things you don't think are there by looking with you eyes. I know guys who, when buying a new airplane, would shoot every square inch in macro mode and then display them with the manufacturer on a big screen because it showed obvious flaws that weren't so obvious by eye.
To show off your shine you need a third light "above" your camera that does not get softened by the light tent. That sharp light will reflect a sharp line that will show off the shine. The other way to do it is to put a dark strip inside your light tent so it creates a sharp shadow across the surface of the pen and That will show off the shine.
Here is some homework for you. Setup just like you did for this shot but lay a ruler down leading straight away from your camera, centered on the lens, "under" the pen. Then play with your f-stop and focus point to get the front and back of the focused area to match up with the front and back of your pen. Record those settings and repeat for your next shots of pens.
If you Can't get the entire pen in focus no matter what you do, then it is time to be less creative with pen positioning and lay the pen closer to parallel with the back of your camera (perpendicular to the lens). Then 3/4" depth of field focused on your pen will be enough.
GK