So Your Kid's Going to College .......

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DocStram

DocStram

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Over the last month or so I've read posts from IAP members who are first timers at having a kid head off to college. As part of my job, I often talk with large groups of parents of incoming freshmen. Having had three kids in college (all at the same time) and having 30 years of university experience ...... here are a couple of tips:

#1. My number one tip comes at the end of this post.

#2. Sit down with your kid before she/he leaves for college and discuss money. I always had a joint checking account with my each of my kids. Make certain you can access it online . . . that way you can keep tabs on how fast and where money is being spent.


#3. Help them plan a weekly budget.


#4. I tell my freshmen that the key to making it through their first year of college ... is being able to say "No". There are going to be tons of distractions with friends always wanting to go off and have fun. You've got to be able to say "No".


#5. When your kid goes off to college ... do NOT immediately convert their bedroom into your new workshop or home office. Keep their room exactly as they leave it . . . at least for the first year. You wouldn't believe the emotional turmoil that freshmen go thru when they hear their parents talking about plans for their ex-bedroom.


#6. The high school years can wreck havoc on your relationship with your kid. I used to tell people that my teenage son and I were coauthoring a book.... "I'm a Jerk - You're a Jerk". one day, you and your kid will actually be friends again. Going off to college does wonders for the parent-child relationship. It might take a year or two but you and your kid are actually going to become friends again.

#7. When your kid goes off to college ..... it's not your job to call professors to ask about grades or to complain about them. It's time for your kid to learn to stand up for herself. You can't fight their battles for them.

And, now for what I consider to be the #1 tip for being successful in college ....

#1 Make your kid visit each of his professors (in their offices) sometime during the first two weeks of the semester. It's important for students to know how to "make contact" with professors. You want that professor to remember who your kid is ..... and to engage in at least a brief conversation with them .. not in the classroom with tons of other students around .. but in their office.

I'm interested in seeing what additional tips other IAP members have to offer!
 
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Those ARE great tips, Al. I have a few more.

1) Try to encourage your offspring to sit in the front row (2nd at the very least). Aside from being more recognizable, this tells the Prof that "I am here to learn, and I don't wish to be distracted by those not of like mind."

2) Encourage them to take part in the class. If the Prof asks for discussion they should be among the first to speak up. This tells the Prof that they are interested and have been paying attention.

3) It's okay to disagree with your Prof (this is subject dependent, of course). Just do so respectfully and be prepared to back up your argument (stance) with a more detailed response. Most will respect a different point of view if there is rationale for it.

4) Greet your Prof by name when seen outside the classroom. The better remembered you are, the more apt you are to get the benefit of the doubt, should one of your answers be questionable.
 
My oldest son has another year of HS, but right now he is living in a college dorm for a three week summer program. It is a good program and I'm hoping it will help him sort out the kind of school and program he is interested in. I also wanted him to have the experience of living in a dorm, semi-on his own. We only sent enough clothes along for less than a week (laundry test). He only has just enough money along, I'm sort of hoping he will run out and have to do without something he wants.

The "pick a school/pick an area of study" game has been going on for over a year now. He is getting pretty stressed over it; he wants to go to just about every school he hears from and he wants to study everything. Personally I'm old school about this, I think he should get a liberal arts degree and decide what he is interested in in time for grad school. There seems to be too much pressure from everyone he talks with to make up his mind about what he wants to study.
 
Thanks for the tips. My son is 17, will be a junior in HS in the fall, knows everything about anything, feels entitled to just about any type of material thing available, and thinks I'm the biggest dope on the planet.

He also just started working two weeks ago and my wife and I were talking about getting him a bank account. I so wish my dad would've forced me to budget my money while I was living at home. For us, it'll be 10% tithe, 10% in savings and the rest to his checking account.

This was a very timely post!
 
Originally posted by DocStram


#2. Sit down with your kid before she/he leaves for college and discuss money. I always had a joint checking account with my each of my kids. Make certain you can access it online . . . that way you can keep tabs on how fast and where money is being spent.

#6. ...one day, you and your kid will actually be friends again. Going off to college does wonders for the parent-child relationship. It might take a year or two but you and your kid are actually going to become friends again.

#1 Make your kid visit each of his professors (in their offices) sometime during the first two weeks of the semester. It's important for students to know how to "make contact" with professors.
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Great tips Doc.

I tried to teach my son your #1 tip in high school, it took until his 3rd year of college to get it. Make contact early and often.

As for #2, don't wait to start this one. I'm amazed at 18 year olds that don't know how to write a check, much less balance a check book. When my son was 8, I ordered a kit that supplied checks, checkbook, etc. The purpose is to "credit" his account with his allowance. YOU are the bank. When they need money, they write you a check. You in turn cash the check and deduct it from the account. Teach them money skills early and often, especially the rule about paying yourself (savings) first. And don't stop when they graduate. Start the 401K from the first day on the job. And if the company matches, anything less than the amount they will match is throwing away free money.

As for #6...There is hope, believe this one. It works!
 
Originally posted by txbatons

Thanks for the tips. My son is 17, will be a junior in HS in the fall, knows everything about anything, feels entitled to just about any type of material thing available, and thinks I'm the biggest dope on the planet.

He also just started working two weeks ago and my wife and I were talking about getting him a bank account. I so wish my dad would've forced me to budget my money while I was living at home. For us, it'll be 10% tithe, 10% in savings and the rest to his checking account.

This was a very timely post!
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Brian,

Have hope. My son was exactly the same way and even younger than 17. He knew everything and I was an idiot. Tell your son, he's going to be amazed at how smart you get in the next 4-5 years. :D

My son gave me a hug on Father's Day and said "if I had listened to you, I wouldn't have made so many mistakes". I couldn't have gotten a better present. But I told him that I didn't listen to my father and his son won't listen to him. Just a part of growing up. Of course the answer was "but do you know how mad I get when I have to go da#@ it, he was right again"? :D
 
Gerry, you reminded me of another one. Most universities have some called an interest inventory that the kids can take. Mine was offered by the Placement Office. It won't tell them what they want to be when they grow up, but it will tell them where they fall with people who are "happy" doing what they do. Mine said I was most closely tied to nurses, #2 was Science Teacher. While I no longer teach science, I was never happier.;)
 
Originally posted by alamocdc

Gerry, you reminded me of another one. Most universities have some called an interest inventory that the kids can take. Mine was offered by the Placement Office. It won't tell them what they want to be when they grow up, but it will tell them where they fall with people who are "happy" doing what they do. Mine said I was most closely tied to nurses, #2 was Science Teacher. While I no longer teach science, I was never happier.;)
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Holy Cow! I missed that in college. I knew a few nurses to which I would like to have been tied. :D[}:)]
 
Heheheh, I still do, Tommy... but that's another story.[}:)][:I]

I suppose I should have said "nursing", but with you guys I know where you'd have gone, so I was a goner either way.;)
 
Originally posted by alamocdc

Heheheh, I still do, Tommy... but that's another story.[}:)][:I]

I suppose I should have said "nursing", but with you guys I know where you'd have gone, so I was a goner either way.;)
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Never had a chance! [}:)][}:)]:D:D
 
We had 3 boys in 3 seperate colleges at the same time. I have one left in grad school now.
--make the time to make them feel special, go visit them if they are away
--we had "Walmart" runs where we would go pick them up and shop for whatever they needed and then insist on extra boxes of snacks, chips, socks, whatever catches your eye
--have adult conversations with them. It doesn't have to always be about grades/finances...
--Adopt the roommates/friends too. Our rule was and still is "Your friends are always welcome." Sometimes we started with the intention of dinner with one child and two parents and end up with dinner for two parents, one child and four friends. Those kids (they will always be kids) still stop us on the street, give us a hug and say hello.

--it is a special time for them and for you and it can be some of the best memories you have.
 
We set aside X dollars for college. My first son has spend fourteen years in higher education 1 BA 2 masters and is finishing 2 doctoral s at the same time. He learned to write grants. He still has the the sum of money his parents give him to start with fourteen years ago and its grown. Our second son followed his brother 2 BA and now working on his masters. Both sons have read Warren Buffet's book How to Invest. Its a 800 page book with so much theory about investing. It took 6 months for him to read it and then understand it. still both sons are debt free and money in the bank I'm quite proud dad.

Learning the system of college and university learning is just as important as the degrees. Both my sons worked different jobs in the university such as computer aid, or library aid. Its good for them. Never did I receive a call about send money dad.

Docstram has very good steps... just one more for you... Let go! They do fine!

proud dad
 
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