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alamocdc

alamocdc

Member
Joined
Apr 26, 2005
Messages
7,970
Location
San Antonio, Texas, USA.
Rod's post got me to thinkin' about our oldest son's situation and I got ticked so I thought I'd get something off my chest. Actually 3 of our 5 children are, or will be divorced in about a month. LOML and I have stuck it out for 33 years now (anniversary was just over a week ago:D). And no, it hasn't been easy. We can both be... let's just say less than pleasant. But everyone has days like that. Folks today seem to have a far different mind set. If the going gets tough, call it quits. And sometimes it doesn't even have to get tough. Someone gets mad about something and to hell with it. I just don't understand.

Youngest son was the first. His ex decided to blow $11k (and left him with another $1k due) while he was deployed to Iraq and cheat on him, then leave him while he was over there. He'll never see a nickel of that back, but he did win custody of his daughter, thank God!

Yougest daughter was next, but I espected this from the begininng. Too young and rocky from the start.

Oldest son's wife (?) walked out a few months ago. She likes partying and he doesn't. He prefers to work on cars... fast ones. Now here's the part that miffs me. His pre-divorce child support was set to a point where he had to get a second job so he could pay his car and rent payment. I have no problem with taking care of business and supporting one's children, but this seems excessive. She was in huge debt when they met and he bailed her out. She was way upside down on a Mustang and he finally got her out of it and into an Acura. Then she left him with the bills and moved in with mom & dad. ARGHHH!!!!!!

Thanks, I feel better now.

EDIT: Oh, I forgot to add... Miss Party Animal ain't hurtin'. She's a Registered Nurse and makes three times what my son does.:(
 
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Personally I think they should change the laws so that unless abuse is proven then the departing person is not entitled to any (or maybe 10%) support. They chose to leave, why should they get paid to give up on the relationship?

Sorry for your family's difficulties, Billy!

GK
 
I'm sorry for your children's troubles Billy. Congrats to you and your wife of 33 years. I completed 32 in November. And you are correct, no one can live together and not have problems. I give the same advice to every couple getting married. It doesn't work or not work......you have to make it work.
 
Glad you were able to clear the air Billy, sorry to hear about that. But it is a different world we live in today.
A world with no respect and you will get shot for the change in your pocket [V]
 
Yah Billy I know that story well. "Personally" and if I told the story you wouldnt believe it, but that was a long time ago and now I got a beautiful grown daughter. My brother is going through it now.
 
We don't work at our marriage. When I get mad, Linda tells me I am wrong, end of story!

In all seriousness, I am right there with you Billy, actually more with Ed. My Ex is now happy with my old platoon seargent and since we had a handicaped child together, I will be paying support until one of us dies.

Mike
 
It is still a sad fact of life that in some courts the wife wins regardless of facts. Our children seem to have solid marriages but I still worry that there may be divorces. Pray not. Family is family and break ups take a terrible toll on everyone involved. Hope for the best in your family.
 
Originally posted by alamocdc


EDIT: Oh, I forgot to add... Miss Party Animal ain't hurtin'. She's a Registered Nurse and makes three times what my son does.:(
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This seems excessive to me also. I know there expensive but I hope he had/has a good lawyer. I always told my kids to stick it out unless it's one of the 3 As (Alcoholism, Addiction, Abuse) anything else can be worked on altho there are exceptions. Sadly, your son is probably better off. I hope all works out.
 
Divorces are hard on kids.

Living in a house where there is no love is hard on kids.

Personally, I'm glad its nearly 25 years ago - much more philosophical now.

And, yes, Frank, I worry about my kid's marriage, too. Looks ok, but who knows??
 
Originally posted by gketell

Personally I think they should change the laws so that unless abuse is proven then the departing person is not entitled to any (or maybe 10%) support. They chose to leave, why should they get paid to give up on the relationship?
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Greg: Since you are in California, maybe you are talking about alimony? But with respect to child support (which is an entirely different matter) seems to me the financial obligation of the non-custodial parent to the child is the same regardless of why or how the parents separate?? Remember, it is called "child support."
 
I gotta throw this one in just for fun. I'm still reasonably happily married with 3 kids under 6 years old now, and have no plans of experiencing this one first hand, but it seems to me that if the state is going to require one parent (either one) to hand over to the other one a substantial percentage of their gross income for "child support" that there should be some mechanism to insure that said funds actually support the child in question, and not the ex's car note, wardrobe, cocaine habit, new boyfriends cocaine habit, or whatever. Watched my little brother go through 17 years of all the above, and never understood it, or why the court would routinely award her a 10% increase in "child support" every December, in the face of documented proof of the fact that my nephew went to school in shoes with tape on the soles and shirts too short to tuck in. At least the kid has a job to buy his own clothes now and will be 18 this year.

Boy, that feels better :)
 
Sorry to hear about the bad situation Billy.
Here's my two cents on the subject of marriage and quick divorce. This day and age divorce is the easiest answer to marital problems. I think anything shy of abuse or cheating can be worked out, my first two marriages ended due to cheating. When I was 27 and got a better idea of what love and commitment is. Feb. 13th will be 12 years and still going strong. In the beginning we had some pretty good fights but I have never once thought about leaving or getting a divorce.
 
Originally posted by jskeen

I gotta throw this one in just for fun. I'm still reasonably happily married with 3 kids under 6 years old now, and have no plans of experiencing this one first hand, but it seems to me that if the state is going to require one parent (either one) to hand over to the other one a substantial percentage of their gross income for "child support" that there should be some mechanism to insure that said funds actually support the child in question, and not the ex's car note, wardrobe, cocaine habit, new boyfriends cocaine habit, or whatever. Watched my little brother go through 17 years of all the above, and never understood it, or why the court would routinely award her a 10% increase in "child support" every December, in the face of documented proof of the fact that my nephew went to school in shoes with tape on the soles and shirts too short to tuck in. At least the kid has a job to buy his own clothes now and will be 18 this year.

Boy, that feels better :)
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When judges are asked to ensure that child support goes 100% toward the child, they usually take the position "if I felt the court had to monitor where every dollar goes, why would we have awarded custody to the mother? It flies in the face of my decision."

So, it is easier to pound the gavel and cast a blind eye toward the actions of the custodial parent rather than admit they made a mistake.

In our state, less than 3% of the men ever win custody of their children. It almost takes a murder conviction against the mother, to award custody to the father.

Way too much experience to regurgitate here...
 
I felt compelled to put my 2 cents in here. I wrote another response then re-read your post. The ex sounds like my ex. The part that miffs you was the support. It drove me crazy. She drove a benz, I rode the bus. My son would show up in rags while she wore expensive dresses. I can't stand red beans anymore. I think at the time in Texas, she was entitled to 21%. If she spent it on him, I would not have cared. Could I do anything? Yes, but not much. When she wanted an increase, we negotiated an amount, not a percentage. When he was able to choose for himself, he asked to live with us instead of his mother. Maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel for your son. Tell him to hang on, it's hard. He has you and your wife as an example. He made his mistake, I bet the next one is the right one. My second: 17 years and counting. Congrats on your 33.
 
[/quote]

I always told my kids to stick it out unless it's one of the 3 As (Alcoholism, Addiction, Abuse) anything else can be worked on altho there are exceptions.
[/quote]
I can't even remember my own advise[:0]
3 As (Addiction - Abuse - Adultery)
 
Originally posted by MarkHix

When she wanted an increase, we negotiated an amount, not a percentage. When he was able to choose for himself, he asked to live with us instead of his mother. Maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel for your son. Tell him to hang on, it's hard. He has you and your wife as an example.
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We almost had this same scenario. I agree with Mark, Billy!
 
Hi Billy
I never got into the bad stuff. As you all know I am disabled. Some days I can not even walk as my back is so bad. I was on disabilaty from my job at the time of my X-wife, walking out with everything for another man that she just had to have. He is a alcoholic and he also beat his x-wife. They were friends of the family, before they broke up to failmys to be together. Anyway I am in that 2 year time were I get no money from my disablity. Yes thats right I dont make a dime except for what little bit of wood I can sell. But I am still supposed to pay her $350 a month. Or she has the D.A. knocking on the door where is her money. Oh yes she never lets me see them when I am supposed to or call. I could go on for hours on all the *&^% she does. She got the gold mine and I did not even get a bag of potatoes, or Red beans and rice. If she could prove I sell wood she would be after that also, and she was the one that did all this. Not Me I have and always will be fathfull. Thanks Rod
Originally posted by alamocdc

Rod's post got me to thinkin' about our oldest son's situation and I got ticked so I thought I'd get something off my chest. Actually 3 of our 5 children are, or will be divorced in about a month. LOML and I have stuck it out for 33 years now (anniversary was just over a week ago:D). And no, it hasn't been easy. We can both be... let's just say less than pleasant. But everyone has days like that. Folks today seem to have a far different mind set. If the going gets tough, call it quits. And sometimes it doesn't even have to get tough. Someone gets mad about something and to hell with it. I just don't understand.

Youngest son was the first. His ex decided to blow $11k (and left him with another $1k due) while he was deployed to Iraq and cheat on him, then leave him while he was over there. He'll never see a nickel of that back, but he did win custody of his daughter, thank God!

Yougest daughter was next, but I espected this from the begininng. Too young and rocky from the start.

Oldest son's wife (?) walked out a few months ago. She likes partying and he doesn't. He prefers to work on cars... fast ones. Now here's the part that miffs me. His pre-divorce child support was set to a point where he had to get a second job so he could pay his car and rent payment. I have no problem with taking care of business and supporting one's children, but this seems excessive. She was in huge debt when they met and he bailed her out. She was way upside down on a Mustang and he finally got her out of it and into an Acura. Then she left him with the bills and moved in with mom & dad. ARGHHH!!!!!!

Thanks, I feel better now.

EDIT: Oh, I forgot to add... Miss Party Animal ain't hurtin'. She's a Registered Nurse and makes three times what my son does.:(
Click to expand...
 
I'm sorry to hear about your son's problems. Divorce is hard on everyone - people tend to forget that point and just think about themselves. I know it's hard to sit back and watch your son's (or daughter's) go through hard times to.

My ex was similar to some of your stories - He never paid support, called for his visits then never showed up, etc etc. He was jailed 3 seperate times in efforts to get the support for our 2 children and recently stopped paying again "because she turned 18" SHE WAS STILL IN HIGHSCHOOL. We initially had joint custody but that was ended when he took them to CA for summer visitation ( he moved there after a large settlement to an accident claim he had - the one time he was caught up on support for 30 seconds) and then REFUSED TO RETURN THEM. That was cross state failure to return children from visitation. Lowest Felony or Highest Misdemeanor can't recall - he never saw a day of jail time when he moved back to our state for that one either.

The short end of this is that during all of this I never let my kids hear me talk bad of their father. Now my daughter is 19 and in college and SHE is the one that calls him trash. She is the one that points out if he were paying the support he is supposed to be it wouldn't be quite as hard to pay her tuition each semester. She has a few other unkind things she says too - but you get the drift. Kids learn and ultimately they know who has been there for them. At Christmas this year OUR daughter told my father that "this daddy (regarding Mike) was far better than her own any day." That is the pay off that makes it worth it ... so hang in there and tell your son to hang in there. Just be the best parent you can and in the end it will come full circle.

As far as working on our marriage .. Don't listen to that ole airbag - he never gets anything right even when I do tell him how ;)

Linda
 
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