Lite Humor From The South

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Rollerbob

Rollerbob

Member
Joined
Apr 26, 2009
Messages
1,601
Location
Athens, Texas
Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing,

chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says,
"I think I'm gonna divorce my wife - she ain't spoke to
me in over 2 months."
Earl spits,sips his beer and says, "Better think it over...
........women like that are hard to find."




I know I'm asking for it, but it's not the first nor the last!!!!!:smile-big: Ladies, you know I luv ya........don't ya?:confused::redface:
 
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Bob,

I just got this today in email. By the way, if my wife asks, these opinions are those of the writer and not necessarily the opinion of this poster...

[FONT=&quot]MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE[/FONT][FONT=&quot]


NICKNAMES:[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

  • [FONT=&quot]If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
  • [FONT=&quot]If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
EATING OUT:[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

  • [FONT=&quot]When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
  • [FONT=&quot]When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
MONEY:[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

  • [FONT=&quot]A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
  • [FONT=&quot]A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
BATHROOMS:[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

  • [FONT=&quot]A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
  • [FONT=&quot]The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
ARGUMENTS:[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

  • [FONT=&quot]A woman has the last word in any argument.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
  • [FONT=&quot]Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
FUTURE:[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

  • [FONT=&quot]A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
  • [FONT=&quot]A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
SUCCESS:[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

  • [FONT=&quot]A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
  • [FONT=&quot]A successful woman is one who can find such a man.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
MARRIAGE:[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

  • [FONT=&quot]A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
  • [FONT=&quot]A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
DRESSING UP:[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

  • [FONT=&quot]A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
  • [FONT=&quot]A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
NATURAL:[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

  • [FONT=&quot]Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
  • [FONT=&quot]Women somehow deteriorate during the night.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
OFFSPRING:[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

  • [FONT=&quot]Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
  • [FONT=&quot]A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it ... and to the men who will enjoy reading it.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
 
John, real funny stuff there.:rotfl: I just sent it to one of my wife's friends. If she doesn't throw something or take a swing at me then you are ok to pass along............stand by!!!:rolleyes:
 
wolftat said:
This isn't the first time you've stepped in it, that's why you Texans wear boots.:biggrin:
Click to expand...
Obviously some of you folks in the North don't know why we wear boots..........The pointed toe is easier to kill a roach when he is in the corner!!!:tongue:
 
Rmartin said:
Texas? In the South?

I'm sorry, but Texas, as much as I love you, you are not part of the South.
Click to expand...

Really? Were he still alive my great great grandfather would disagree. He was an artillaryman in the Confederate Army and I have his service records.

From Wiki:

Seven states declared their secession before Lincoln took office on March 4, 1861:
  1. South Carolina (December 20, 1860)[4]
  2. Mississippi (January 9, 1861)[5]
  3. Florida (January 10, 1861)[6]
  4. Alabama (January 11, 1861)[7]
  5. Georgia (January 19, 1861)[8]
  6. Louisiana (January 26, 1861)[9]
  7. Texas (February 1, 1861)[10]
After the Confederate attack on Fort Sumter on April 12, 1861, and Lincoln's subsequent call for troops on April 15, four more states declared their secession:[11]
  1. Virginia (April 17, 1861; ratified by voters May 23, 1861)[12]
  2. Arkansas (May 6, 1861)[13]
  3. Tennessee (May 7, 1861; ratified by voters June 8, 1861)[14][15]
  4. North Carolina (May 20, 1861)[16]
 
Really? Were he still alive my great great grandfather would disagree. He was an artilleryman in the Confederate Army and I have his service records.
Click to expand...

Interesting!

I've always considered anything west of the Mississippi to be in the West. And anything east of the Mississippi and below the Mason/Dixon line to be in the South.

So I'll meet you half way and say Texas is in the south West and Georgia is in the South east.:biggrin:
 
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