Your photos look good, I would suggest you just change the composition. Laying the pen flat and shooting it straight on like that is rather static looking and doesn't really reflect how we "see" a pen when we look at it. With a tripod and a 5 second exposure, you should have enough depth of field to angle the pen a little bit, and maybe shoot from a higher angle if you're going to lay it flat, but maybe propping it up on something (you see prop ideas all over the place here, scraps of burl, stones, partial herringbone blanks, etc), but a more dynamic angle on the pen will do wonders for people's perception of the photos technical merits.
Lighting can be a very subjective issue, but I tend to prefer most if not all of my lighting to come from above and behind when photographing round shiny things like pens with a tent type setup like this (with maybe a bit from the sides and front if the shadows are too deep). Side lighting tends to just look off for no particular reason (in reality, its because the sides are slightly brighter than the center, which makes your photo look both over and underexposed at the same time...) I'm guessing, as I don't know what your lighting setup is, but it sort of looks like a tent with lights on either side and maybe on top also...
So in the end, I'd suggest you play around with position of the pen, angle of the camera, and position of the lights....
(shameless example)
Rob, let me know if I can help you out with your gray card issues (include what kind and model of camera you're using...)