Can you teach ambition?

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el_d

el_d

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Apr 26, 2007
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Lockhart, Tx, USA.
Im a father of four and I kinda find it a little "off" that my oldest, 17 yo daugter, doesnt feel the same need that I had as a young man to get a car and start taking care of my own responsibilities. I coulnt wait to get out of the house and out on my own. My next oldest is my 16 yo daugter that would love spending every weekend in her PJ's if allowed. They are both great girls that are doing well in school with honor classes and some college credits and I have recieved many compliments on them from friends, family,coaches,teachers and even strangers. Im confident they will do well in life but I know they are not living up to their full potential.

Talking with friends I realize Im not the only one. Several of my friend also say their teenagers dont really want to do anything other than sit on the couch or computer and "surf".
I also have 2 young boys, 8 and 7, and now am wondering if there is a way to instill ambiton, determination, drive so that they will grow to be respectable men that will do whatever it takes to care for their family and live to thier full potential? Or at least get closer to it than me.

Has anyone else come across this? Is there something you did to kinda kick them in gear? Or is this something your born with?????? This is a smart group of people so is there any insight or pearls of wisdom out there???

Maybe its me over analyzing the whole thing......
 
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Is there still a sport with WINNERS?? I believe when we were kids and played baseball, it was important to hit the ball farther than others. In track, I liked having the rest of the runners BEHIND me - in life, well, it was more fun being awarded onstage than in the audience, clapping.

FWIW
 
It would be amazing if the power to the house somehow went off for the weekend wouldn't it - no computer, battery in the cell phone couldn't get charged, tv would be out...if only there were a switch in the house that could control that...

:)
 
Like you I was driven as a teenager. Paper route when I was 12 and first job when I was 15. Had a car before I even had a license, paid my own insurance and gas and put myself through college.

I think part of the problem today is that many teenagers have everything given to them. Cars, cell phones, high speed internet, computers, expensive video games, spending money, expensive clothes etc. I think it is good for teenagers to have part time jobs to pay their own way. If they share a family resource they can share in the cost. If they want a cell phone they need to pay part of the cell phone bill. Buy their own car, pay insurance and gas or help with these things if they drive your car. In short, I think parents need to stop buying so much stuff for their kids. In many cases the kids don't even know what these things cost and what it takes to earn enough money to pay for them.

The other thing I see is that kids who are involved in sports seem to be more abitious in other areas as well. I think it brings out the competitor in them. Unfortunately there are a lot of organized sports and other activities that are along the line that Ed described. Long ago, when I was a kid, we played sports in the neighborhood and you were playing to win. If you didn't play to win you were not picked to play next time.

For full disclosure purposes I should point out that my wife and I don't have any children so these are my observations from seeing our neighbors and friends raising their kids.
 
I am on the same boat as you Lupe.

Create a need. (easier said than done)

When did they last worry about their next meal? Felt hungry? Probably never? Sometimes hard experience is a good teacher and can create drive.

A lot of kids (in USA) have it so easy and take things for granted. I am afraid this generation might not be ready for the coming changes. IMHO, this economy change is not your typical recession. The world economy is re-aligning and new giants are emerging (or emerged we just deny it). How this really play in their/our future...I don't know.
 
I think Ed hit it on the head,and so did Dario.Tough love goes a long way used in the right way.This summer my 15 yerar old nephew will be splitting and stacking firewood until his arms fall off,to get his first car.I figure he will cry and complain,but will have a great feeling getting to the finish line(I hope this helps his attitude problem,part of his age).Like I always say we are raising whimps in this day and age.Parents hardly let kids walk a few blocks to school,and important time to be with friends and responsible for getting to school on time.Good luck,Victor
 
Lupe,

I don't know for sure what your solution will be, but I do know that your kids will not necessarily be what you want them to be.

Have you sat down and talked - (translation LISTENED) to them?

Do you know what their goals are? Do they have any specific interests that you could encourage them with?

Kids are different than when we were kids as were we different than our parents.

I also found that the older my kids got, the smarter they think I am! :)

On a positive note, with their good grades, not getting into trouble etc. I think you may be over analyzing a bit.

Reason for worry - sure all good parents worry about their kids - that is actually part of your job. :)

Just go give them a hug and tell them you are proud of their accomplishments thus far and tell them you love them. I think many of your concerns may go away.

Florida Don
 
I would not worry about it. My son's always had to be reminded to do their chores until they went to college, they never really seemed to have directions, would rather sleep all the time or spend time with their friends when they were awake. They have turned out good. They are all in their 20's, 2 have good jobs and are doing well at them, the other one is about to graduate with his masters. We gave them basic chores for life lessons, let them make relatively harmless mistakes, showed interest in their activities, did not judge them too hard and encouraged them to find their own ways. Kids need only a few things: love, encouragement, a sense of humor from their parents and a full pantry.

Hugg 'em and tell 'em you love them. They watch your example and learn more from it than from anything else. Just wait, they will tell you in a few years.
 
You know, I am a bit on the strict side with many things and I too have been "working" from early on, got married at 18 (been almost 18 years and going too) Bought our first house a year later and still own a house ect....

I too am a father of four, three boys and my baby girl (well, now 5... but you know!)

My second son just has the motivation of a sloth, no... maybe clay. I could light a fire under his butt and he would take his shirt off. My other boys are into many things, heck my oldest takes mid-evil sword fighting and my youngest can field strip a TV set before you blink, but my second son? Nawh, we can send him out for fire wood and it can take him a day to bring in a load! You got me, but if you find the answer, for the love of God, please tell me!
 
Ambition can be effected by value changes. Putting it simply - what do they value? That is their _own_ likes and dislikes, similar to thoughts. But thoughts and philosophies change as their values (what they value) changes.

A common happening today (and yesterday too) - The deeper they get into a hobby or habit without parent / community interaction, the more addictive in "value/ or psychologically" it becomes to them.

Don't give them choices on weekend trips out in nature. Make it interesting. Is it nature only? We traveled quite a bit and even though one daughter hated traveling, she loved the historical spots that we stopped at. With this one, we would go to a museum together. Another loved the souvenirs, so we often went "shopping" together (didn't buy much, just wished together:wink:); another loved the nature, so camping was included or at least "travel". It became so much a part of her that she arranged a trip to Alaska 3 years ago for us and her (frequent flyer miles.) Now she is brining her niece (our granddaughter by our oldest daughter) with her to Japan next month. None loved being trapped in the car with parents that much, :rolleyes: but the traveling together locally and on trips helped us find their positive values. We didn't use lots of money in this as we often made travel coincide with work to some degree.

But we did provide 'distractions' that gave them access to more things. As we saw things they liked or valued, we focused on those things. We did have one daughter that liked to hang around people that were clearly going down a dangerous path. We couldn't keep her away from these people at school or even after school, but we did find what she valued outside of that and encouraged her in that direction. It paid off. One thing we also learned is that if she felt inadequate in something that she was obviously talented with (writing) we encouraged her gently but did not "push" her. She still has the talent but for some reason she does not want to pursue that, so we don't push hard. Even today, she is talented in that but gets defensive if we push it. So we leave that alone. Some day . . .


Find out what they value - that you also value as a positive attribute or characteristic - and encouraging them in that direction. Coming down to earth - use the common carrot(s) that they value and you value and move them in that direction. Sometimes finding that carrot is nearly impossible, but I can tell you that it takes personal involvement and lots of head scratching (your own).
 
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Ambition

From my experience. I was kinda lazy although I had jobs but didn't have the drive. I was drafted into the Army when I was a 20 year old boy. Didn't take long to realize the achievers had it better than the deadbeats. Made Sgt E-5 in 18 months and became so spit and polish it was sickening, Discharged after 2 years and came old a 22 year old man. Have had a fire in my belly ever since. I am 76 now and still hustle to make a buck anyway I can.
Discipline is the best gift you can give your kids. My 52 year old son is constantly thanking me for giving it to him as he approaches a 6 figure salary.
 
In my opinion, ambition is a learned behavior. Ambition is learned from watching your parents and friends. I also think it can be taught.


If somebody handed me everything .... free Wii, free access to being online, tv whenever I want .. hanging out with my friends .... having the latest cool clothes handed to me ......... and not having to help pay the freight ..... do you think I would learn to be ambitious?

When my kids were teenagers I really took the heat because there was one old Honda Civic for the 3 of them to share. Nobody handed me a car when I was kid. From the age of 12 onward I was cutting grass, laying tile, digging ditches, working at a fast food joint and so on. It was the same with my kids. On my son's high school graduation night his friends stopped by to visit. There were four new cars and a new pickup in the driveway ... all graduation gifts.

There was no way I would hand a new car to a 17 year old kid. You want your own car? Work, save, and buy it. And, that's what my son did. He bought an old Eclipse with the money he saved. It was the cleanest, shiniest used Eclipse in Middle Georgia. And why? Pride of ownership.
 
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I had my ups and downs raising my daughter. One thing she heard often when she wanted something growing up.... "Is it a 'want' or a 'need'?" More often than not she had to admit it was a 'want'. In that case, if I thought it a worthwhile 'want' I'd tell her if she paid half, I'd cover the rest. Most kids seem to grow up now feeling entitled to things we'd never of dreamed of. Of course a lot weren't around back then, but even so. Even now that she's 26, married, pregnant, buying a house and has a good job, I still ask that question when she brings up buying something.

I heard a few times out of her mouth growing up that she didn't like me. Good! I wasn't trying to be her friend, I was just trying to raise her the best I could. NOW we're friends once she's reached the realization that life isn't always fair, nor are you promised success in life. For the most part we each are responsible for our own happiness.
 
You can set an example, but there is no way to force someone to follow it. Wait a second.............You can tell them to get with the program or get in the MARINE CORPS, it worked for me and for my son.
 
jimbob91577 said:
It would be amazing if the power to the house somehow went off for the weekend wouldn't it - no computer, battery in the cell phone couldn't get charged, tv would be out...if only there were a switch in the house that could control that...

:)
Click to expand...

There is!!!!!!! It's in the main breaker box called "Mains"
 
Lupe, I don't think Ambition can be taught, I remember a elementary teacher explaining to me that they don't encourage competition in the classroom. In all fairness this was 20 years ago in New Mexico, and also heard a similar comment made by a secondary instructor, I guess they felt that non of these kids would ever have to compete for a job. After teaching at a Technical (Trade) School for 5 years, I estimated that 25 to perhaps 40% of the students entering right out of High school had enough ambition to actually do much more than just pass the course and actively pursue employment. I went through the same crap with my daughter.
The only ones that seemed to understand the concept of ambition were the ones who had been involved in sports or other extra curricular activities, like Ed said they understood that it was better to be out in front, than come in last, I'm not certain why but I think that lack of Physical Education as it was when I was in school is a part of it, we had to run, play baseball, basketball and stuff like that even in elementary school,and it seemed to mean something to be the best, Now any ole mediocrity will do, as log as it will get them by,
 
Thanks for the different points of view. Spent the weekend thinking about the responses:rolleyes: while turning a nice turqouise tru stone.:biggrin:
 
wolftat said:
You can set an example, but there is no way to force someone to follow it. Wait a second.............You can tell them to get with the program or get in the MARINE CORPS, it worked for me and for my son.
Click to expand...

I gotta agree, but hey, the Marine Corps doesn't teach ambition!!!!! It , uh, instills it!!!!!!!
 
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