Bud the Cowboy - Kinda long, don't blow a gasket.

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karlkuehn

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My Dad just sent me this and I got a good laugh. This is not a mandatory read, by the way. ;)

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, 'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?'

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, 'Sure, Why not?'

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.'

'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the Bud says to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?'

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?'

'You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government', says Bud.

'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'

'No guessing required.' answered the cowboy. 'You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew,to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a
herd of sheep
.
.
.
.



Now give me back my dog.
 
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Karl -

A few questions:

First, Bud obviously is a bright guy. So, why did he agree to the deal in the first place? There wasn't anything in it for him and he stood to lose a piece of livestock. That doesn't make much sense, does it?

Second, why did Bud say to the yuppie, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The yuppie didn't have Bud's calf. He had Bud's dog.

Third, a calf is a sexually immature bovine. You got your male calves and you got your female calves and, I guess in rare instances, you got your hermaphrodite calves. How can a photograph determine that a bovine has reached the stage of sexual maturity? This is important because the yuppie said he would tell Bud how many cows and calves there were. If the male of the species had reached sexual maturity, then he wouldn't be a calf and he wouldn't be a cow, but the photograph wouldn't necessarily be able to tell.

Fourth, do you like your leg o' lamb with mint jelly? A lot of people like their lamb that way but I've never been too fond of it. I prefer my lamb marinated in olive oil, wine vinegar, garlic, bay leaves, black pepper and a few other things that will go with me to the grave.
 
Originally posted by Proud_Poppa_of_2

Karl -

A few questions:

First, Bud obviously is a bright guy. So, why did he agree to the deal in the first place? There wasn't anything in it for him and he stood to lose a piece of livestock. That doesn't make much sense, does it?

Maybe he just wanted to see the young punk pick up an animal while wearing that high-falootin' suit and Gucci's.

Second, why did Bud say to the yuppie, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The yuppie didn't have Bud's calf. He had Bud's dog.

Dunno. Maybe he was working up to the big finish and didn't want to spoil the whole shocking revelation? Maybe his dog's name was "Calf"? heh

Third, a calf is a sexually immature bovine. You got your male calves and you got your female calves and, I guess in rare instances, you got your hermaphrodite calves. How can a photograph determine that a bovine has reached the stage of sexual maturity? This is important because the yuppie said he would tell Bud how many cows and calves there were. If the male of the species had reached sexual maturity, then he wouldn't be a calf and he wouldn't be a cow, but the photograph wouldn't necessarily be able to tell.

Oh, man...the governments got all kinds of photo recognition algorithms that they use for that sort of thing. I've even seen the Homeland Security Division's classified C++ function that determines bull or cow - I think it was called 'DetermineHooHah()'. Those gov't types are really smart, they only use the best of the best.

Fourth, do you like your leg o' lamb with mint jelly? A lot of people like their lamb that way but I've never been too fond of it. I prefer my lamb marinated in olive oil, wine vinegar, garlic, bay leaves, black pepper and a few other things that will go with me to the grave.

No on the mint Jelly for me, too. That's like putting toothpaste on a good steak. Blech. Your recipe sounds awesome. When's dinner? :D
 
Karl, you can come by my place anytime for dinner. Bring the wife and your boy, too. And some of your flame box elder. That'd make a nice house warming gift. Don't worry, I'm going to turn it, not burn it.
 
Originally posted by Proud_Poppa_of_2


Third, a calf is a sexually immature bovine. You got your male calves and you got your female calves and, I guess in rare instances, you got your hermaphrodite calves. How can a photograph determine that a bovine has reached the stage of sexual maturity? This is important because the yuppie said he would tell Bud how many cows and calves there were. If the male of the species had reached sexual maturity, then he wouldn't be a calf and he wouldn't be a cow, but the photograph wouldn't necessarily be able to tell.
Simple anawer. Ranchers don't keep the bulls with the herd.
 
Originally posted by Russianwolf

Simple anawer. Ranchers don't keep the bulls with the herd.

I guess my ignorance is showing. Even though I grew up in the country, the farmland around us was for corn, not livestock. I can tell you most anything you'd like to know about feed corn, as long is doesn't have to be accurate.
 
Well now, I was born and raised on a cattle ranch in Northern Colorado, but left that life because my Uncle Sam had other things in mind for me. Bud sure does sound like my Grandfather. But this one begs the question for me: Was the dog SHAGGY?

[}:)][}:)]

Rob
 
This reminds me of another joke.

Two sisters, a blond and a brunette, inherit a ranch from their father. After a couple years times get a little tough and they decide they have to start breeding their cattle if they want to keep it going. They hear about a bull and the brunette says:

"okay, I'll go out and look at the bull, if it's a good one I'll send for you and you drive the truck out to bring him home"

So off the brunette flies to see the bull. After looking at the specimen, she decides she's going to buy him and haggles with the rancher. She has $500 but he won't budge on his price of $499. So she pays him and goes to western union to send for her sister.

"Hi, I need to send a telegram to my sister. I need to tell her to hook up the trailer and drive out to pick up the bull I just bought"

"Yes, maam. That will be $15."

"I only have $1 left."

"Well, maam, It's $1 per word."

The brunette thinks about it for a minute and says:

"okay, I want to send the word 'Comfortable' to my sister."

"yes, maam. But if you don't mind my asking, how is your sister going to get 'bring the truck and trailer to get the bull' out of just the word 'comfortable'.

"My sister is blonde. It's a big word. She'll have to say it slowly."
 
Originally posted by Proud_Poppa_of_2

Karl -

A few questions:

First, Bud obviously is a bright guy. So, why did he agree to the deal in the first place? There wasn't anything in it for him and he stood to lose a piece of livestock. That doesn't make much sense, does it?

Second, why did Bud say to the yuppie, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The yuppie didn't have Bud's calf. He had Bud's dog.

Third, a calf is a sexually immature bovine. You got your male calves and you got your female calves and, I guess in rare instances, you got your hermaphrodite calves. How can a photograph determine that a bovine has reached the stage of sexual maturity? This is important because the yuppie said he would tell Bud how many cows and calves there were. If the male of the species had reached sexual maturity, then he wouldn't be a calf and he wouldn't be a cow, but the photograph wouldn't necessarily be able to tell.

Fourth, do you like your leg o' lamb with mint jelly? A lot of people like their lamb that way but I've never been too fond of it. I prefer my lamb marinated in olive oil, wine vinegar, garlic, bay leaves, black pepper and a few other things that will go with me to the grave.

LOL good one! I especially liked the "hermaphrodite calves" line. LOL.

I reckon that's why Pork Chop Mike doesn't like Lamb Chop Sandwiches. ;)
 
Originally posted by DocStram


I reckon that's why Pork Chop Mike doesn't like Lamb Chop Sandwiches. ;)

C'mon, Al. You've got to stop caling me Pork Chop Mike. That's twice now I've seen you have given me that moniker and there may have been others that I've missed. The problem is that these threads are going to fade from people's memory, but the name is going to stick. Then newcomers and even some oldtimers are going to think of me incorrectly as Pork Chop Mike. That's entirely unfair and shows a clear failure to comprehend on your part.

I say this because, while my original post's subject line referenced a single pork chop, the message in no uncertain terms spoke of two pork chops. So, let's get it right - Pork Chops</u> Mike. :D
 
Two comments

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

I personally don't believe that a cowboy would ever be caught herding sheep, so it's obvious that this is truly a government story.:D

I don't understand the following technical terms, could someone explain them to me????

Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie,
:D

Just my 2 cents....
 
Originally posted by Proud_Poppa_of_2

Originally posted by DocStram


I reckon that's why Pork Chop Mike doesn't like Lamb Chop Sandwiches. ;)

C'mon, Al. You've got to stop caling me Pork Chop Mike. That's twice now I've seen you have given me that moniker and there may have been others that I've missed. The problem is that these threads are going to fade from people's memory, but the name is going to stick. Then newcomers and even some oldtimers are going to think of me incorrectly as Pork Chop Mike. That's entirely unfair and shows a clear failure to comprehend on your part.

I say this because, while my original post's subject line referenced a single pork chop, the message in no uncertain terms spoke of two pork chops. So, let's get it right - Pork Chops</u> Mike. :D




Ask Ilikewood (Bill in Idaho) how his name suddenly became "Weasel Bill in Idaho" ..... or Bruce119 became "Birch Bark Bruce" ... or wdcav1952 became "Cav" ..... or .... well, the list is endless. But, I will take your request under advisement .... "Pork Chops Mike" :D
 
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