Any benefits for 'friends' on the IAP?

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GouletPens

GouletPens

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Now I'm a young guy and I've been with MySpace, Facebook, and all those other social networking sites since the beginning, so naturally 'friending' someone is just something that people do! But does anyone really care about each other's friends on the IAP? I mean, I look at some of the 'veterans' of the IAP and they have maybe 4 friends. Come on people! Let's all get friendly!
 
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Brian,

<begin gentile soothing voice>

... Perhaps it's your avatar....:glasses-nerdy:

</end soothing voice>

GouletPens said:
Now I'm a young guy and I've been with MySpace, Facebook, and all those other social networking sites since the beginning, so naturally 'friending' someone is just something that people do! But does anyone really care about each other's friends on the IAP? I mean, I look at some of the 'veterans' of the IAP and they have maybe 4 friends. Come on people! Let's all get friendly!
Click to expand...
 
TomW said:
Brian,

<begin gentile soothing voice>

... Perhaps it's your avatar....:glasses-nerdy:

</end soothing voice>
Click to expand...

Oh, that was bad. (but funny) Friendships are not measured by numbers of avatars on ones info page. I would hope that I have many here on the site just as I have in life. I don't have everyones number stored in my phone that I consider a friend just as people that consider me a friend don't have mine in theirs.
 
GouletPens said:
You know you're jealous:bananen_smilies008:
Click to expand...

Funny... Here is my Facebook avitar... probably from 1961. When was your's taken?

Tom
 

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Mine's doctored.....go to www.yearbookyourself.com and have a ball (once they get the site back up). I tried all kinds of different pictures but this one was particularly hilarious so I went with it and never looked back. I think it is the 1974 one? You take a picture of your face and it gets superimosed onto a bunch of stereotypical yearbook pics from different years.

Gosh, I've been getting a lot of comments lately about my avatar....either you guys like it or you're afraid of it. Either way, it's not nearly as creepy to me as mostangrypirate's!!!!:eek:
 
Hahaha.. Yeah, his is kind of creepy.. LOL


GouletPens said:
Mine's doctored.....go to www.yearbookyourself.com and have a ball (once they get the site back up). I tried all kinds of different pictures but this one was particularly hilarious so I went with it and never looked back. I think it is the 1974 one? You take a picture of your face and it gets superimosed onto a bunch of stereotypical yearbook pics from different years.

Gosh, I've been getting a lot of comments lately about my avatar....either you guys like it or you're afraid of it. Either way, it's not nearly as creepy to me as mostangrypirate's!!!!:eek:
Click to expand...
 
Brian,

What you are requesting is basically a generational difference and even then the following explanation will be a generalized statement. I have several "friends" and am open to requests.

However, older generational ideology/culture includes the idea that most everyone is open, up front and possibly trustworthy. Therefore a fairly automatically extended "friendship" is implied unless obvious characteristics indicate otherwise. To the older generation - to have to "Ask for" friendship is to state up front - "I don't trust you in the beginning and I will have to determine if I want to be your friend". Asking for friendship among many of the older generation is (to many) an insult because - Extending friendship is automatic, (or rather used to be) and that is part of an older generation's character and integrity.

It might be considered somewhat of an "insult" because "asking for friendship" questions up front - the person's character and integrity simply because it had to be asked for. Asking for friendship implies that they do not automatically possess that characteristic or have that kind of integrity.

Stated simply in metaphorical terms:

Older generation: "Innocent until proven guilty" ideology - translates into - "Open to all" as a friend . . . unless deemed unworthy after a meeting. Judgement for friendship comes from the 1st persons own integrity . . until the 2nd person violates the trust.

Newer generation: Guilty until proven innocent ideology - translates into - when you prove trustable, like-able - I wish to become your friend. Judgement for friendship is based on the OTHER persons character.

While this is mostly a generational divide, the current cultural climate (US and world wide) almost demands agreeing for friendship "after" determination of trustability, like ability, or sameness. Today, We have to be leery of others until proven innocent.

Therefore - the older generation is in crises over who they are versus how they have to be in today's cultural climate! Forgive us! :wink: :biggrin:
 
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leehljp said:
Brian,

What you are requesting is basically a generational difference and even then the following explanation will be a generalized statement. I have several "friends" and am open to requests.

However, older generational ideology/culture includes the idea that most everyone is open, up front and possibly trustworthy. Therefore a fairly automatically extended "friendship" is implied unless obvious characteristics indicate otherwise. To the older generation - to have to "Ask for" friendship is to state up front - "I don't trust you in the beginning and I will have to determine if I want to be your friend". Asking for friendship among many of the older generation is (to many) an insult because - Extending friendship is automatic, (or rather used to be) and that is part of an older generation's character and integrity.

It might be considered somewhat of an "insult" because "asking for friendship" questions up front - the person's character and integrity simply because it had to be asked for. Asking for friendship implies that they do not automatically possess that characteristic or have that kind of integrity.

Stated simply in metaphorical terms:

Older generation: Innocent until proven guilty - translates into friends as Open to all unless deemed unworthy after a meeting.

Newer generation: Guilty until proven innocent - translates into - when you prove trustable, like-able - I wish to become your friend.

While this is mostly a generational divide, the current cultural climate (US and world wide) almost demands agreeing for friendship "after" determination of trustability, like ability, or sameness. Today, We have to be leery of others until proven innocent.

Therefore - the older generation is in crises over who they are versus how they have to be in today's cultural climate! Forgive us! :wink: :biggrin:
Click to expand...


What did he say:befuddled:????
 
I understood Hank's post and was nodding my head all the way through it.

To many of us , asking to be friends makes about as much sense as going home
to visit your parents and asking permission to use the bathroom.
 
Hank, I hear where you're coming from, and is it any surprise my generation isn't trusting? We grew up with Columbine, Virginia Tech, Enron, WorldCom, 9/11, Oklahoma City......on and on and on.....not to mention identity theft, online predators....kids are raised nowadays to be afraid of strangers.

However, I think you misunderstand the 'friending' purpose for my generation. The whole purpose of having 'friends' in an online community is a visual representation of the exact kind of trust you're talking about with older generations, just publicly recognized. The fact that we 'friend' someone is a public showing of trust and kinship, not 'we finally aren't leery of you now'. There are environmental factors that impact different generations, but the basic human emotion is unchanging.

Anyway, my reason for posting the thread was not NEARLY that introspective. I was simply asking if anyone actually put importance on the friending feature of IAP, or if it was really just an extra function. The reason I ask is because on other social networking sites 'friending' allows you to access additional parts of a person's profile and allow you to keep up with your 'friends' more than your 'non-friends'. But since there are no different security levels on the IAP profiles or anything like that, the 'friend' feature seems rather ambiguous. And if what you're saying, Hank, is true that most of the people on this site (face it, it's not teeming with young folks here) feel no need to express their friendship publicly, then what is the friend feature for?
 
GouletPens said:
And if what you're saying, Hank, is true that most of the people on this site (face it, it's not teeming with young folks here) feel no need to express their friendship publicly, then what is the friend feature for?
Click to expand...

I wonder that too! But I will bet that the software was written by the younger generation. :biggrin: :wink:

A second part to this for me personally - is something that I have long known. In my "Birkman" team, leadership, workstyle I rank totally in the "get the job done" segment - away from "people" oriented and towards job oriented. However my very work is "people" centered. Strange! :rolleyes: I have to MAKE myself focus on "people", and I enjoy it when I do.

I once visited a pastor who had a large sign over the door to his office: "It's People, stupid, People!"

I asked the meaning of that. He replied: "I am work/job oriented and have to remind myself that my whole purpose is "People". He was a great pastor too, but he had to work at it.


In a recent thread on this forum, the Myers-Briggs personality inventory came up, and it seemed like about 20% of the respondents here were of the same personality - while in fact that specific personality represents only about 3 to 4% in the general population. THAT said, it may be that pen turning draws a larger percentage of the people that don't verbally/outwardly respond to "friendship" type of discussions/requests.


In Japan, among most Japanese men in business, company and government office circles, silence is considered polite and a characteristic of trustability. The more verbal or expressive you are (regardless of the words) the more untrustable you are regarded. I feel comfortable in that situation and many Japanese men have commented to others that as a "foreigner" I am considered a good friend - and the silence is what makes them consider me as a "friend". I have been in many meetings with many leaders in companies or government agencies in which several other foreigners are with me. Because I usually speak the least and usually at the end in agreement, they usually regard me as the "boss" - because I speak the least and speak last with few words - even if I am not the boss. :rolleyes:

LASTLY: I would bet that you (Brian) are an extrovert. I am an introvert by nature but really enjoy people, especially expressive ones. I might disagree with them but I appreciate them. Extroverts keep things moving and question silence. LOML is one of these. Never a dull moment with extroverts around! :rolleyes: :biggrin: Keep pushing us! :biggrin:
 
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leehljp said:
Brian,

What you are requesting is basically a generational difference and even then the following explanation will be a generalized statement. I have several "friends" and am open to requests.

However, older generational ideology/culture includes the idea that most everyone is open, up front and possibly trustworthy. Therefore a fairly automatically extended "friendship" is implied unless obvious characteristics indicate otherwise. To the older generation - to have to "Ask for" friendship is to state up front - "I don't trust you in the beginning and I will have to determine if I want to be your friend". Asking for friendship among many of the older generation is (to many) an insult because - Extending friendship is automatic, (or rather used to be) and that is part of an older generation's character and integrity.

It might be considered somewhat of an "insult" because "asking for friendship" questions up front - the person's character and integrity simply because it had to be asked for. Asking for friendship implies that they do not automatically possess that characteristic or have that kind of integrity.

Stated simply in metaphorical terms:

Older generation: "Innocent until proven guilty" ideology - translates into - "Open to all" as a friend . . . unless deemed unworthy after a meeting. Judgement for friendship comes from the 1st persons own integrity . . until the 2nd person violates the trust.

Newer generation: Guilty until proven innocent ideology - translates into - when you prove trustable, like-able - I wish to become your friend. Judgement for friendship is based on the OTHER persons character.

While this is mostly a generational divide, the current cultural climate (US and world wide) almost demands agreeing for friendship "after" determination of trustability, like ability, or sameness. Today, We have to be leery of others until proven innocent.

Therefore - the older generation is in crises over who they are versus how they have to be in today's cultural climate! Forgive us! :wink: :biggrin:
Click to expand...

Hank,

Can you say that again, but in English this time?
 
I find the whole "friend" thing funny. My son has over 1000 friends on facebook, but still sits around saying he has nothing to do and noone is around. It seems that collecting friends on facebook is almost the same as collecting baseball cards when we were kids. It's just a status thing.
 
While I don't mind it on IAP, I generally avoid the whole 'friend' thing on
forums. I've had people tell me I must me anti-social because I don't allow
'invites' to be friends, I don't blog and I don't accept file transfers etc.
I even had people mad at me because I didn't hook up my video camera
and I didn't want to see anyone else's.
I've also had people send me invitations and then retract them because
I didn't have enough 'friends'.

I figure if my friends don't know that we're friends, I've got bigger problems
than collecting names. And if people I don't know or share interests with
need my name on their list, well that might be a good indication that I
shouldn't be on it. Besides, us old New England yankees don't get into
all that mushy stuff.

I'd be willing to bet that we have a 'friends' option here because it was
already in the 'off-the-shelf' software package that this site uses.
 
Mudder said:
Hank,

Can you say that again, but in English this time?
Click to expand...

Charlie NL88 said it best!

In a nut shell:
I figure if my friends don't know that we're friends, I've got bigger problems than collecting names.
Click to expand...

Being a friend is "understood" or "taken for granted" among many of older generations, and even a some younger gen!


A hijack of sorts (apologies): I have many people that I am friends with that want to swap pens and or blanks on a regular basis. I would love to but it costs me $12.00 to mail one pen or one blank from Japan. I appreciate the offer, but it costs me money - and I get into work to the extent that I am not at the Post Office during open hours for two or three weeks at a time. If someone catches me about every other month, I can.

I am not trying to be unfriendly, but my salary and work is not that I can send that much while in Japan.
 
GouletPens said:
Mine's doctored.....go to www.yearbookyourself.com and have a ball (once they get the site back up). I tried all kinds of different pictures but this one was particularly hilarious so I went with it and never looked back. I think it is the 1974 one? You take a picture of your face and it gets superimosed onto a bunch of stereotypical yearbook pics from different years.

Gosh, I've been getting a lot of comments lately about my avatar....either you guys like it or you're afraid of it. Either way, it's not nearly as creepy to me as mostangrypirate's!!!!:eek:
Click to expand...
HEY!!!!! my avatar makes people smile. maybe a nervous smile, but still.
 
i have no friends listed so i guess that makes everyone my friend! i feel the love.......i really only have two kinds of friends, those that i know and those i haven't met yet!!!
eeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaa IAP !!!!

you all ROCK!!!!!:bananen_smilies046:
later...........Barry "Bear" Taylor

ps....now that you all know my name, how could we Not be friends,,,,,,,,,,
 
artistwood said:
i have no friends listed so i guess that makes everyone my friend! i feel the love.......i really only have two kinds of friends, those that i know and those i haven't met yet!!!
eeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaa IAP !!!!

you all ROCK!!!!!:bananen_smilies046:
later...........Barry "Bear" Taylor

ps....now that you all know my name, how could we Not be friends,,,,,,,,,,
Click to expand...

I still have friend who call me "Hey!" :biggrin:
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by GouletPens
And if what you're saying, Hank, is true that most of the people on this site (face it, it's not teeming with young folks here) feel no need to express their friendship publicly, then what is the friend feature for?


leehljp said:
I wonder that too! But I will bet that the software was written by the younger generation. :biggrin: :wink:

A second part to this for me personally - is something that I have long known. In my "Birkman" team, leadership, workstyle I rank totally in the "get the job done" segment - away from "people" oriented and towards job oriented. However my very work is "people" centered. Strange! :rolleyes: I have to MAKE myself focus on "people", and I enjoy it when I do.

I once visited a pastor who had a large sign over the door to his office: "It's People, stupid, People!"

I asked the meaning of that. He replied: "I am work/job oriented and have to remind myself that my whole purpose is "People". He was a great pastor too, but he had to work at it.


In a recent thread on this forum, the Myers-Briggs personality inventory came up, and it seemed like about 20% of the respondents here were of the same personality - while in fact that specific personality represents only about 3 to 4% in the general population. THAT said, it may be that pen turning draws a larger percentage of the people that don't verbally/outwardly respond to "friendship" type of discussions/requests.


In Japan, among most Japanese men in business, company and government office circles, silence is considered polite and a characteristic of trustability. The more verbal or expressive you are (regardless of the words) the more untrustable you are regarded. I feel comfortable in that situation and many Japanese men have commented to others that as a "foreigner" I am considered a good friend - and the silence is what makes them consider me as a "friend". I have been in many meetings with many leaders in companies or government agencies in which several other foreigners are with me. Because I usually speak the least and usually at the end in agreement, they usually regard me as the "boss" - because I speak the least and speak last with few words - even if I am not the boss. :rolleyes:

LASTLY: I would bet that you (Brian) are an extrovert. I am an introvert by nature but really enjoy people, especially expressive ones. I might disagree with them but I appreciate them. Extroverts keep things moving and question silence. LOML is one of these. Never a dull moment with extroverts around! :rolleyes: :biggrin: Keep pushing us! :biggrin:
Click to expand...

Hank, are you sure that the second comma was there? :rolleyes:
 
I would have to agree with much of what Hank wrote (he is my friend you know:))
I am not that old, but the whole social networking thing is beyond me. It is not a technology thing because I came up before the actual internet and was using the BBS on my 1200 baud modem from way back. I just don't get the social part. Have never seen any facebook or myspace page. I don't have a desire to and don't want one of my own.

As far as the friends on IAP... I think Jeff turned it on because it was available when he did the upgrade. It was not available on the old forum software. Perhaps he could have put some "benefits" to it (I don't know what the software allows) but didn't.

My personal opinion is that it does not mean much. To others I guess it looks like I am anti-social. Draw your own conclusion.


I will be sending my friend request shortly.:)
 
kirkfranks said:
I would have to agree with much of what Hank wrote (he is my friend you know:))
I am not that old, but the whole social networking thing is beyond me. It is not a technology thing because I came up before the actual internet and was using the BBS on my 1200 baud modem from way back. I just don't get the social part. Have never seen any facebook or myspace page. I don't have a desire to and don't want one of my own.

As far as the friends on IAP... I think Jeff turned it on because it was available when he did the upgrade. It was not available on the old forum software. Perhaps he could have put some "benefits" to it (I don't know what the software allows) but didn't.

My personal opinion is that it does not mean much. To others I guess it looks like I am anti-social. Draw your own conclusion.


I will be sending my friend request shortly.:)
Click to expand...
Friendship confirmed:biggrin:

Believe me everybody, having friends on here has nothing to do with friends in real life. In real life, I have one, only one friend I see on any kind of a regular basis outside of my family. But on the internet, I have hundreds!! What the social networking groups have allowed is for relationships that normally would suffocate and die to linger on and on in a comatose state, with no actual contact or communication invovled. I haven't talked to many of my friends since graduating high school and college, but in 5 minutes I can search them, find pictures of their wedding, look at their new house, see pictures of thier kids at Christmas, all without ever even contacting them.

Hank, you couldn't be further off the mark about me being an extrovert, I am QUITE introverted (in real life), but the internet is a whole new playing field. That's why I like it so much:biggrin:
 
I use the friend feature to see if on of my "befriended" friends are on IAP at the same time. If you start on the IAP home page there is a box on the lower right side that shows friends that are online. Also, if you look at the box at the very bottom on who is logged in, your friends have a little plus sign beside their name.
 
GouletPens said:
Anyway, my reason for posting the thread was not NEARLY that introspective. I was simply asking if anyone actually put importance on the friending feature of IAP, or if it was really just an extra function.
Click to expand...

Simply answered, no. Anyone can click on a function, does that make it true? Anyone can type anything, does that make it true? Anyone can say anything, does that make it ture? Don't get me wrong, I have several on the internet I am friendly with, and desire and to meet them in person. Meeting some one face to face will and does solidify a friendship. The internet and all it's functions and options can and never will replace personal interaction. Personal interaction tells more about a person than their own words do.

I have come to know who my friends are, and greatly value them. I don't need a function or option to tell me who they are.
 
I've been reading this thread with interest and feel as most do. The people I interact with here on IAP I consider friends. I even refer to you guys as friends when talking to someone not involved with the forum. I do PM folks on occassion and do have several on my friends list...however other than that I've only physically met a couple of others outside of our local chaper meetings. I don't have everyones phone numbers stored away or call and chat...although this would be a good thing. I'm just not much of a phone person.
Bottom line is on the list or not I consider IAP folks my friends....I just feel a little silly as a 50 years old man clicking on a button and asking someone to be my friend....sorta like when we were in elementary school and passing notes "Do you like me? Check yes or no....lol
 
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