A good family man

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wood-of-1kind

wood-of-1kind

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Jul 10, 2005
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4,138
Location
Toronto, ON, Canada
Ciao Zantah Klaus,

how yah doin? Is everycent OK with Mrs. Klaus, dah little <s>elfs</s>kids they OK? Yah no that dah familie issa dah mosta importanta think to a man kin half? Henniway, I needa u help widda problem eye gotta. Zantah, onlee jew can helpa me out. No eye, no needa da money. Eye needa dah helpa with stayin widdah boyz n girlz adda IAP. Eye thinc they wanna <s>wop </s>wipe pa me out.

Eye come to <s>America</s> IAP when I wassa littel boy. Meye realla name iz Vito butta meye supposed to bee IAP friends call me Peter, sometime "wood-of-1kind". Am ah soooh confuzed thattah I donno watta orr wooo eye wanna bee. Eye gootz an identatee problem. Dah peephole here they no undastanda mi. Summa think that my ****ree iz so far away and soo cold that they no wannta shippa dah nice a penna kits tu mee. Wazza wronga wit that BB anyhow? It no stoppa there. Big Willie (Cav) he has me scared me tu rite until tuday. He look and he looka for dah smallest littel spelling mizstake thatta wee hollah make every always</u> ounce inna wild. Denna therezthat DocStram, whuz no even a dottor. Che cazz?!?! Wattsa he gonna be tomorraw, eye no trust him even wenna he sayz that da niceah girla Oprah issa helpin him to change,ah.

I taut eye hadda real paisan here wittah wise guy Anthony(Penworks). Butta eye gotta tella yu, heez a realle mangia-cake and gigolo. EE make dah besta pens ever butta heeza wastin iz time a playing golf all atime. Now iffa he waz a real paisan he woofd have helpa mee take care of Jeff (The bigga cheez @ IAP).Jeff, he a scares me. HE no talk much butta when he duz, watch out. He mean businezz. I try to getza Gerry to helpa mee to taka a nicah pictu for meye pens but he refused me.Watta trashie guy. No problema, Gerry izza in Montana and no buddy issa gonna fine him anyhoot.

Eye can go on en onna about the boyz here they no wanna let mee play nice and nize inn there littel IAP houz becauz they see me assA foreignR."Make them an offer that they can't refuse" and letta themma be my friends. If u do this for mee, eye will callz u my Codfather forever. Stoppah sendin mee that "baccala"(fish) for Christmas and justa sem mee all that nice ah turning prices foout thah IAP bash.

Buon Natale a tutti and to all a Merry IAP Christmas.
-Peter-:)
 
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OOOps I made a boobbo. I meant to post this letter in the DEAR SANTA contest. Would one the MODS here kindly post it in the correct forum?

Thanks in advance.
-Peter-[:)]
 
Dear Piasan, I wasa gonna makea yu a penny for Christmas, butta I goota bowla tonite anda golf tomawwa anda shootin on Sunday, so I hava no time. I hopea the boyza here caan helpa you out anda send you soum nicea woood for Christmas, butta it woona be me.

Buon Natale,

PS. U no, maybee ifau speeka and a spella mor beta, u havin moor frindz a heer [:D]
 
Peta, peta, yoos nos beddea dan ta be tokin bout the families in frona anybody. now wez had to goan make du callz ta rednoze Toni an gingerbread Nickie, t wack this uh Zanzadoda uh whateva fella. Wez thinking maybe a lil vacaton for you might be a good ideu. Take sum time and get your head right. drinka you some a dose sissy things with pinapple and umbrellas and let tings settle down a little.
You a good boy peta, you do duh rite thing eh?
 
Is you tryin tae tauk Italian or Scots? Cause its awfie like how ah talk ower here ken.

Really gud Santy letter like, hope ye get whit ye asked fur an dinna be doon in the mooth if awe ye get is yon bloody kits wi the bit that luck like a wee wullie ken![;)][:D]
 
Curtis,

can you kindly remove this topic. I have transferred this entry to the DEAR SANTA contest topic. That is where I meant to post it in the first place.

Thanks to everyone that has replied to this little bit of "Cosa Nostra" humour.

-Peter-[:)]
 
Peter,

I will lock the topic instead of removing it. That way folks can still read the silliness contained herein! future posts regarding this Dear Santa letter can be made here: http://www.penturners.org/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=30478
 
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