6 degrees of blonde

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shawn394

shawn394

Member
Joined
Apr 17, 2006
Messages
170
Location
Roswell, NM, USA.
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FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment
And said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?' The wife said, 'I don't know,
Some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'
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SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on
The sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the
Mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.' The second blonde
Says, 'Here, let me see!' So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
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THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her,
So she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment
Unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him
In the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,
She is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
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FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, and ask me, I know all of them.'
A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy: W.'
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FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
'Is it mine?'
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SIXTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
Ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit,
patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the
blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog,
Then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my
possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman.'
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Seventh degree

A blond is pulled over by a blond female traffic cop. The cop asks the driver for her license. She looks in her purse, then to the cop and asks "what's it look like". The cop says "it's small and has your picture on it". Having a second look the driver replies "here it is" and triumphantly hands the cop a small mirror. The cop looks at the mirror, hands it back and replies "Why didn't you tell me you were a cop, get out of here"
 
pulled into the parking lot of a crowded supermarket the other day and rolled down the windows to make sure my new Labrador puppy had some fresh air.

He was sprawled out on the backseat and wanted to make sure he understood that I wanted him to remain there and not jump over my seats.

I walked backward away from the car constantly saying, "Stay. Good boy. You stay there. STAY. STAY."

Just then a pretty blonde lady walked by and said, "You know, you won't have that problem if you just put the car in PARK."

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A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river. The brunette wants to get across.

She yells across to the blonde, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?"

The blonde shakes her head and yells back "People like you really p@#* me off. You ARE on the other side!"

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A blonde woman is driving a Porsche and she sees another blonde woman with a Porsche that has broken down on the side of the road.

She stops to ask what's wrong.

The owner of the broken Porsche said, 'I just had a look under the hood, and while I was driving somebody had stolen the engine.'

The other said, 'Oh, don't worry, I have a spare one in the back of my Porsche

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A blonde stormed up to the front desk of a library and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

"What was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!"

The librarian nodded and said, "Ah. So you must be the person who took our phone book."
 
I love this one :biggrin:


Alligator Shoes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, 'Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!'

The shopkeeper said, 'By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!'

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement.

Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, 'Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!'
 
Then there were the two blondes who decided to go to Disneyland. The driver asked the other to help her with road signs so she could better watch the traffic. They saw a sign, and the passenger told the driver it said "Disneyland, 1 mile ahead". Another sign, "Disneyland, 1/4 mile ahead". The next sign, "DISNEYLAND---LEFT".......
so they turned around and went back home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
State Trooper rolls up on a single-car accident scene, where an expensive convertible has gone belly-up, and an attractive blonde is sitting next to it, dazed and shaken.

"What happened here?" asked the cop. Replied the blonde, "I was just driving down the highway when I looked up, and there was a pine tree right in front of me...". "Then what?" asked the cop. "Well, I swerved to the left, but there was another tree there, so I swerved to the right, and another tree jumped in front of me... That's when I lost it and flipped."

"Lady..." replied the officer "this is the desert... There isn't a tree for a hundred miles. That was just your air freshener!" :biggrin:
 
Bucth here's another one for you, watch those Handywomen :biggrin:




The Blonde Handywoman



A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money decided to hire herself out as a 'Handywoman' and started canvassing the neighbourhoods.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.


'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said. 'How much will you charge me?'
The blonde quickly responded, 'How about $50?'
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, 'Does she realise that our porch goes all the way around the house?'
He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'
The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes .'
A short time later, the blonde handywoman came to the door to collect her money. 'You finished already?' the husband asked.
'Yes,' the blonde replied, 'and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two coats - no extra charge .'
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.








'And by the way,' the blonde added ...
'it's not a Porch -- it's a Lexus.' :eek::eek::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:
 
Two blondes decided to take up hunting, they geared up, and headed out into the woods.

About three o"clock in the afternoon the realized that they were lost. One of the blondes started to panic but the other one told her to calm down that they would be fine and produced a survival guide from her pocket. She looked in the index and found the topic "What to do if you are lost," she flipped to the chapter and read a loud, "If you find yourself lost, the most important thing is to stay calm." "Next thing you want to do is fire a single shot into the air." "Repeat this process every thirty minutes until you are found."

So the frantic one fired a shot into the air, now feeling a little better. Faithfully every thirty minutes on the dot she fired a shot into the air but no one came.

As the sun started to go down, she went into a frenzy screaming, "We're going to die!!" "We're going to die!!"

"Don't say that!" screamed the calm one. "Why would you say such a thing?"

"Because it's getting dark............and I only have one arrow left!!!!"
 
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Blonde's Year in Review​
January

Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February

Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....

Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!!

March

Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said "2-4 years!"

April

Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out!!!

May

Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June

Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July

Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August

Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....

car swamped because soft-top was open.

September

The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October

Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November

Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour

per pound and I weigh 108!!

December

Couldn't call 911 . "duh".....there's no "eleven"
Button on the stupid phone!!!


THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is!"





My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"


:biggrin::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:
 
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