Shi.... I mean, Stuff my Dad says

[Dehn0045]

Whenever I am around my Dad for very long I usually get a good laugh. He usually laughs along, sometimes not. Anyway, I got this text from my mom today narrating a moment they had on the golf course today:

Me: "I thought you would have moved the big pine cone in your path!?"
Dad: " You think I'm playing above my class?"
Me, laughing: "nooo..."
Dad: "You think I'm playing out my ass?"
Me " nooo!" Laughed til I cried!!! Time for a new hearing aid.

I hope I can give my wife and daughter a few of these moments along the way.

 

[MTViper]

Three old men were playing golf and on the 9th hole, the first one said "Sure is windy".

The second replied "It's not Wednesday, it's Thursday".

The third one answered "I'm thirsty too, lets go get a drink">.

 

[Ripper70]

A golfer, playing his worst ever round, approaches the 18th green and sees an adjacent lake.

He says to his caddy, "I've played so badly today, I'm going to drown myself in that lake."

The caddie says, "I doubt you could keep your head down that long."

:biggrin:

 

[edicehouse]

This is a true one...

My wife and daughters were going someplace with me. The youngest started in on wanting Chic Filet. I told her no, and she started throwing a temper tantrum, so I say, "Say Chic Filet one more time, I dare you, I double dare you." My wife starts laughing saying I was quoting Pulp Fiction to our 3 year old.

 

[MRDucks2]

One of my favorites was after the party the kids threw for their 50th wedding anniversary the old man and his wife were sitting on the couch, party over, everyone gone.

She looks over at him, smiles and says "I'm proud of you." He looks back wearily, cocking his head a little and says, "That's okay, Hon. I'm tired of you, too."


Sent from my iPhone using Penturners.org mobile app

 

[ilikewood]

My dad always embarrassed us:

The dry cleaner attendant: "One pair of pants cleaned....that will be $2.85 all together"
My dad: "Well I hope they are all together....I brought them in that way".

After my divorce, I remarried rather quickly. When my dad met my new wife and her mother, he said to my new wife, "Geee....you look just like my daughter in law".
After a long blank stare with a hurt look from both of them, I had to intervene. I said, "He's talking about you". What a way for my dad to introduce himself to my new family.

 

[Dehn0045]

This is a true one...

My wife and daughters were going someplace with me. The youngest started in on wanting Chic Filet. I told her no, and she started throwing a temper tantrum, so I say, "Say Chic Filet one more time, I dare you, I double dare you." My wife starts laughing saying I was quoting Pulp Fiction to our 3 year old.

Was it Sunday? My fuse gets pretty short when I want ChicFila on Sunday... I pulled up the Pulp Fiction scene and watched it again, hopefully you left some stuff out :biggrin::wink:

 

[sbwertz]

I was in the hospital last week with pneumonia, and it really hurt to laugh. My husband is diabetic and was batching it. I make all my own low carb bread for him, so he couldn't just go to the store when he ran out of bread. He was down to only pumpernickel bread. I told him I was sorry he couldn't have his favorite peanut butter sandwich for lunch, because he was out of wheat bread. His answer? "Peanut butter isn't that bad on pumpernickel." I laughed so hard the tears ran down my face. Hurt like the dickens, but couldn't stop. At least he didn't put jelly on it.

 

[Ripper70]

My mom loves to tell the story of the time she and my dad were out to dinner with friends, celebrating some special occasion. Mom was wearing her spiffy, new mink hat. At one point, long into the evening, she caught a glimpse of herself in a mirror and noticed that her hat was askew and leaning way over to one side of her head. She described herself as looking "half-cocked".

She says to Dad, "For crying out loud! Why didn't you tell me my hat was on crooked? I looked like an idiot! You're supposed to have my back, to be watching out for me!"

Dad says, "But I thought you were wearing it that way on purpose."

To which Mom replies, "Why in the world would I wear my hat like this on purpose?"

"I thought you were making a fashion statement", Dad explained. "I thought you were trying to look 'jaunty'."

Needless to say, after that incident, Mom made certain to check her look in the mirror rather than trust Dad to do it for her.

 

[edicehouse]

This is a true one...

My wife and daughters were going someplace with me. The youngest started in on wanting Chic Filet. I told her no, and she started throwing a temper tantrum, so I say, "Say Chic Filet one more time, I dare you, I double dare you." My wife starts laughing saying I was quoting Pulp Fiction to our 3 year old.

Was it Sunday? My fuse gets pretty short when I want ChicFila on Sunday... I pulled up the Pulp Fiction scene and watched it again, hopefully you left some stuff out :biggrin::wink:

I don't remember what day it was, but yes it was edited. LOL